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Please help!

Hi ladies. I'm 26 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'm not married to the father, but we live together and have discussed marriage in the future. He has a good job and most of the time we're pretty happy. Here's the problem- he smokes pot. A lot. Even when I'm home he smokes inside, even though I've told him I don't want this going on inside (I'd rather him not do it at all, but he's refused to stop). This is causeing a lot of anger and resentment, because I don't want to raise a child in an enviornment like this. I also think it's really irresponsible and inconsiderate that he does it inside when he knows I'm home. He's told me that if I kick him out he'll never return. I love this guy, but at this point I have to put the health of my baby first. We've talked about it so many times, and he always says "you knew I smoked when you got with me." Have any of you been through this? What did you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Well it sounds to me like he is being a tad selfish. Give him time, and I'm sure that he'll come around. HOWEVER...He shouldn't be smoking pot, especially with you being pregnant. He should care more about you and your unborn baby. Does he know the things that can happen to your baby with him smoking pot around you. He needs to understand that there will be consequences for his actions. I would sit down, talk to him, explain your feelings, and if he's not willing to change, I'd leave. You can't risk the health of your or your baby for a man who is so wrapped up in his selfishness. Things change when you are going to have a baby, and he needs to realize that it's not about him anymore. You need to do what is right for you and your baby, period, bottom line.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Im going to tell you this cause someone should have said the same thing to my mom. Your children are more important than you being with a man! If he will not change for you or your unborn child then i would leave. You two should be the most important people in his life. You can actually have your child taken away from you if your man ever gets caught or if for some reason you get caught with it in your home. No man is worth losing a child! Tell him he either stops or your going to be the one who will never return.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • When my husband used to smoke he ALWAYS smoked outside. It is dangerous and unhealthy to smoke pot around a pregnant woman or a baby. He is being selfish and obviously doesn't want to grow up enough to be a good father and do what's best for the child. If he doesn't want to stop smoking, fine but I would tell him if he doesn't stop smoking in the house it's over. He needs to be a man and realize that it's about this child now and not himself!
    manamott

    Answer by manamott at 3:08 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • What you don't seem to understand is that he is a DRUG ADDICT and drug addicts care about one thing and one thing only...getting themselves high. He most likely will not stop...in fact, he most likely will escalate his usage as the years go by...maybe even move on to harder stuff. Furthermore, pot is ILLEGAL...so, he's putting you and the baby at risk of being busted with him. If the authorities bust him at the house with you and the baby there, then you will go to jail as well and likely lose custody of your baby. I left my pot-headed 'fiance' when our son was 4mos old and never looked back. Best decision I ever made I don't regret it a bit. As a result, I was able to meet and marry a responsible man who loved me more than getting high and my son has grown up in a drug free, criminal free home. He's never even seen his sperm donor. Leave...if he loves you he will quit, if not, you have your answer either way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • He has a drug problem. It is a problem especially now that you have a baby on the way. Keep in mind that if he gets caught they search your house. If they find drugs they will take the baby away until the determine if you are involved as well. If he is gonna smoke and you can't do anything about it remind him of this and tell him he better stash it and smoke it at someone eases house for your child sake! Check the laws in your state for more details on how they would teart you and the baby if drugs were found in your home..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I know a couple that is like this. he smokes and sold drugs and she just let it go hoping that he would evetually change.

    just because he did it before you got with him doesn't mean he can't change. He knew you before you got pregnant too! and now you are pregnant. thing change, people change, life changes.

    If he is not willing to make this change for you or your baby whom should be the reasons for living then you need to change your priorities and either make him leave or you move out until he does make a drastic change.

    like my friends. ... 4 kids later and several jobs later by his part they are still together but not happy. she is the one that has to support the family because he can not pass a drug test, so he does not keep a job long enough...

    just keep in mind that there is still time to make a change in your life for the better. don't hold on to somthing that is not willing to change for you.
    nancygarza

    Answer by nancygarza at 4:51 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Why doesn't he smoke outside? Do you live in an apartment or somewhere with no privacy?

    I won't tell you to leave him; that's your business. However, I would go forward without any illusions that he is going to stop just because you ask him to. He has already told you how it's going to be---'you knew this when you got together with me" stuff. It's one of those situations that you either have to deal with, or leave. There's no getting around it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

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