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7 year old grieving

I lost my grandmother 2.5 years ago. DD is named after her, and was old enough to know and remember her. She still misses her, and along with that springs up her fears of dying, or my husband or I dying. I don't think it's normal that she gets stomach aches and cries about dying. Has anyone else gone through this?

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LoveBuggsMommie

Asked by LoveBuggsMommie at 2:09 AM on Jul. 21, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 17 (3,581 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I did as a kid. I had horrible panic attacks about death starting at about that age. I grew out of them several years later and its had no long term mental effects really but in retrospect I wonder why my parents didn't seek counseling for me because no, I don't think it's very normal, at least not to that extent.

    It was a bit different for me though. I had fears about death before I ever experienced it.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:15 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • How is the subject coming up? She is sad because______? Is she only sad and upset when asked to do chores? Or is she breaking down at random times?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:16 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • for a long time it was bedtime, which I think was because of being alone and the dark but not just to postpone or get out of bedtime. It is at random times. We had a Mommy/Daughter day Friday, she brought up missing great grandmother, then we talked a bit about how it's sad we don't have her anymore but we're lucky to have known her and that our memories can help make us happy. Talking about specific memories prompted, "I don't want to talk about this anymore." Then later she was alone for a couple minutes while I was changing after the pool and she was in tears, "I'm afraid to die, I don't want to lose you," and grabbing her stomach. I think it's time to get counseling, she's a very sensitive girl to begin with, I don't want to do any damage but I don't want to overreact. Over two year s though, I'm getting very concerned.
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Comment by LoveBuggsMommie (original poster) at 2:22 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • It does seem like two years is a long time to be that emotional over it. I think all kids go through some preoccupation with death, but not to the point of stomachaches an tears.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:40 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • I think if you feel it's time for counselling you should pursue it. If you let her know that talking about it with someone who can help her deal with those worries so that her tummy doesn't ache and she's not so sad, she will probably welcome the experience.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 5:40 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • I was around that age when I lost my g-grandma (Mawmaw) and I had a very hard time. I also share her name. She was my favorite grandma (didn't know/realize she was g-grandma until I was older) and I spent every weekend with her. We were very close. I had serious issues afterwards to the (not to scare you) that I considered suicide. My mom shocked me out of that real quick ... brought a picture of Mawmaw, held it in front of my face and said, "What would SHE think of that kind of talk?" Snapped me right out of it.

    Just comfort her and continue to reassure her. If you feel it is getting out of hand, get her counseling. If she doesn't have a picture of GGM, give her one to put in her room. Tell her that she can talk to GGM any time she feels like she needs to.

    Oh and give her big hugs and tell her those feelings will pass. It just takes time.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 7:34 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • Counseling is a good idea plus look at books on helping children grieve in your library. You also might want to plant something in your yard to remember your grandmother by.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:37 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • Every one grieves differently. This is her way. You just need to reassure her everything will be ok.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:46 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • I think it would be fine to seek counseling, and could help to reassure you & to support you in responding to her in ways that help.
    Remember that being WITH someone, present to their sadness or fear, usually is the most helpful response (rather than literally focusing on "helping" in some way, lol) It is very positive that she is finding her tears like that when feeling scared, even if the fear (of dying & of loss) seem paralyzing. The prospect of what she's thinking about is frightening! If she sees that you can handle being present (both with the verbalized sadness/worry & the physical expression of the crying, the stomach-hurting anxiety) she will receive a positive message about her own strength which will help relieve (in the sense of resolving) the layered anxiety added-on around this issue over time.
    Stay with it (simply care & acknowledge how much she doesn't want to die/lose you) while anchored, yourself.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:06 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • Do you ever talk to her about it and greive together?
    You have to let it out before it can heal.
    Then remind your little one and yourself that grandma was old and that is what happens. Everyone dies but you and hubby and she are not going to die for a very long time and grandma would want us to remember her with funny stories and happy memories.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:54 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

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