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9 Bumps

Should I make my 18 year old pregnant daughter move out?

Any advice is welcome, but first a little back story to help it all make sense. I have three children, two are grown and moved out. My third just graduated high school and I also found out she is pregnant. I am devastated by this news. Her life is over. Her boyfriend of two years is no prize...he can't take care of himself let alone a baby. He couldn't even graduate high school.!!! Anyway, I have been married for four years and we have been together for six years total. My husband wants my daughter (his step-daughter) to move out. For the past six years he has done all he could to make life easier for her and provide for her. He has tried to be a parent in a lot of ways. Her real father is not here and never has been. So my husband wanted to do what he could even though he has no children of his own, and never wanted kids, he married me knowing I had three children. He has done well, we don't argue unless it comes to her. She acts like he doesn't exist and has always sort of been this way to him. He bought her a car for graduation and she did say thank u but hasn't spoke a word to him since he bought it for her two months ago. Sadly , this is the norm in our house. I think the last straw for him was that he was in a car wreck the other day and she never bothered to ask him if he was ok or what happened. I don't understand it and he's done with her. He wants her out of the house or he said he would leave. I'm so torn up inside, I cry a lot and I stay depressed over this. She has relatives she can stay with but all of this would b so much easier if she was just a nicer person to him and to me sometimes. She is 18 but acts 15. She has no responsibility except working a part time job and making her car insurance payment. I don't want her to leave but I am getting tired of the stress this brings me, it actually starting to make me physically ill. Please help!!! I can understand how my husband feels, doing so much for someone and they don't care. It's hard on him. But I don't want either one to leave and I am stuck in middle like I have to choose!!!

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Bettyblue47

Asked by Bettyblue47 at 8:50 PM on Jul. 21, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (56)
  • "Her life is over"

    No it isn't. I mean, I get where you think it it, but it isn't.

    I think it's a bit cruel for your husband to give you "it's her or me" ultimatum but I do understand that frustration can cause us to say a do a lot of things that may not be prudent. Please keep in mind that, right or wrong, your daughter will view her eviction as you choosing your husband over her and will likely cause a permanent rift.

    You say she has family she can stay with....have you spoken to them? What are their thoughts? It's quite a lot to ask them to take on a pregnant 18 year old.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:53 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • I would not ask her to leave but may think more about whether I should keep the husband.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:57 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • Wow. I can see where your husband would get tired of doing stuff for a kid who isn't grateful or even civil, but I think it's unfair of him to make you choose between him and your daughter. Maybe you could sit down with him and talk that out, because if he truly cares about you, he won't stick to making you decide between them. The three of you should work out some ground rules if your daughter stays. Courtesy isn't too much to ask.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 9:00 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • no but i do think you should talk to her , a serious talk , and let her know its time for responsibility . and give her an alternate option then to be pampered and staying with you .
    armanimar

    Answer by armanimar at 9:03 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • the last straw for him was that he was in a car wreck the other day and she never bothered to ask him if he was ok

    He expected something from her and because she didnt live up to that expectation you need to decide who gets to stay with you.
    His expectations were out of line, considering that in 6 years it is normal for them to not speak for two months.

    Now when she is expecting your grandchild he says she needs to leave.
    Realize this- if you make her leave you may never see the grandchild.

    You, all three, really need family counseling.
    That is, if you want everyone to recognize the stress they are causing you.
    Because no matter which one you choose you arent going to feel any better
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:03 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • It would be a cold day in hell before ANY man would make me evict my daughter!
    He's being a total ass and just as immature as she is!
    Her life Isn't over, how could you say that? Albeit, she's going to be a young mom but by evicting her your telling her you don't want her or your grandbaby in your life.
    Think hard about this and play the "what would happen if I did this" game....then decide if you could live with the end result.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • My husband is a good man , he's very giving and thoughtful. I think he's just worn emotionally and mentally. He has a great relationship with my other two children and for whatever reason, my daughter just has not been receptive to anything he's done for her. He's always tried to do special things like surprise her with stuff she liked or when she would b sick he would make something for her. She has always had a attitude problem with me and just never really talked to me about things and I love her very much but I am 48 and did not ask for this pregnancy, of course I will love this baby and be there for her, my husband gets that but h just feels like a ghost in his own home especially when we can both b in the same room and she will only acknowledge me like telling me bye or something.
    Bettyblue47

    Comment by Bettyblue47 (original poster) at 9:11 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • Oh FFS- based on that response kick your pregnant daughter out of your home and be done with it.
    youve made your choice
    perhaps someone in a group or confessions will pat you on the back for it
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:15 PM on Jul. 21, 2013


  • Here are some rainbows and unicorns to make you feel better

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:17 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • I feel like I should put my husband first, I would never just kick her out and tell her to figure it out and especially if she had nowhere to go. Our family is close so they are aware of things and have even told me she could stay with them. If I have her leave, I would explain to her that I'm not doing this cause she's pregnant, I'm doing so because her attitude and just not caring about anyone but herself is driving a wedge between myself and my husband. Believe me, if he was a jerk or was trying to control things to get his way I would tell him to kiss my ass. But that simply isn't the case. I guess I'm just trying to have peace in my home and my daughter just cares about herself and her boyfriend. She's hurt me too in a lot of ways but I don't tell her cause she says I'm being dramatic.
    Bettyblue47

    Comment by Bettyblue47 (original poster) at 9:19 PM on Jul. 21, 2013

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