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My step son is 11 yrs old and Autistic and his mom uses his disability as an excuse every time something bad happens... He's starting to steal from other kids and lies all the time and hits, fights,

And curses at me and his father every other weekend we get him.. We don't know what to do

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Asked by Dusty1317 at 9:07 AM on Jul. 23, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Mom uses disability as excuse
    Or she should use the weather as an excuse, or the father, or bad education
    Whatever it is, it is a excuse and therefore placing energy into the excuse does not leave much for the solution

    Improving communication between the father and the other, so they both can work on tactics to improve each issue
    Does child have professional therapist working with him?..if so what is the ABA plan say on these matter, if not child can see a behavioral therapist to work on the more challenging problems

    Needs to be a team effort to change these things

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:16 AM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • Other= mother

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:17 AM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • Behavioral therapy. Seriously you need to figure out what is happening BEFORE these behaviors occur. He may have good reason (at least in his mind) to be hitting. Behavior is never just out of the blue. There is a reason for everything he does even if it's simply frustration over a situation he can't control. You might consider whether or not he should be placed in an institution or group home for awhile. If you don't nip it now it's only going to be worse as he gets older. I promise you the police will not care if he has autism or not.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:23 AM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • Thank u everyone for answers.. Very hard situation were in and it helps to get advice.

    Comment by Dusty1317 (original poster) at 9:41 AM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • I know it is. I have three on the spectrum myself. There is a book called Parent Survival Manual A Guide to Crisis Resolution in Autism and Related Developmental Disorders by Eric Schopler If you can find a copy pick it up. It might help.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:48 AM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • I don't have an autistic child, so I don't know how it all works with getting a diagnosis and whatever help they need, and so on. But I wonder if it's possible that she's not so much using it as an excuse (even though it sounds that way) but isn't sure what to do? A cry for help, so to speak. If she's not learning from someone how to deal with his issues, whatever they are, maybe her saying "he's autistic" is really an attempt to say "he's autistic and I'm not sure what to do to stop this because I don't think what I would do if he wasn't autistic would work."

    I think Dad needs to sit down with Mom and talk to her about exactly how she's feeling, thinking, dealing with this. He needs to find out if she's struggling to deal with it, and help her find resources to help her and the child.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:17 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • You're in a tough spot. I wish I had more advice for you, but as a stepmom of an autistic child with behavior problems whose mom uses the disability as an excuse and never makes him face consequences, I know how you feel. It's like parenting with your hands tied. If your husband really can't get the mom on board after talking to her, the only thing you can do is be sure you are united about the rules at your hous, and enforce them consistently every other weekend when your stepson is over. For example, when my stepson called me a vulgar name, I told him I didn't care what his mom let him do at her house, but in my home that wasn't going to fly. I made him sit outside on the porch till his dad came home and wondered why he was out there. Different house, different rules. He got the point.

    Oh, and speaking from experience, no, the police won't care if the kid is autistic or not. Good luck, Mom, stand your ground.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:04 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • Thank you for your's getting tougher every weekend we get him because mom lies to us about everything.. She also just put him on meds.. And has changed dosage 3 times and it really bothers me .. She's neglecting his needs and there's nothing I can do.. So it's makes me upset to watch the train wreck happening. And dad has tried talking to her on so many occasions I've lost track... She ignore him and does nothing for her son.. He starts a new school this year and I'm praying this is gonna help him.. Getting away from his mom would really help..

    Comment by Dusty1317 (original poster) at 4:27 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

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