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Really need help from mother's with step-kids

I am a mother of 2 kids then i also have 2 step kids.My husband works at nights so he sleeps all day, so it is like i am the only parent around most times. My two step kids will not listen to me at all. I will tell them to do something and they will do it anyways. The oldest step child has hurt my oldest son drawing blood before and even beats up on him and when i ask him why all he will say to me is 'because i wanted to' when it comes to anything he does. I will tell my husband and he will either just talk to the two step kids or he will get on to them and shortly after my husband leaves for work it's like it starts all over again. I am at a lose, i find my self alone at nights laying in my bed crying because i am at a lose i just don't know what to do anymore. I have tired everything i can think of please help, I am up for trying anything!!!

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youngmother606

Asked by youngmother606 at 11:03 PM on Jul. 23, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 4 (33 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Does your husband know how bad it has gotten? Tell him that talking to the kids isn't enough. You all need to sit down and get the ground rules straight because it sounds like those kids are walking all over you in your own home, which is not okay. Your husband needs to step up and make sure his kids treat you with respect or you're going to be in for a long miserable life.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:12 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • How old are the kids? It sounds to me like you might need to talk to a counsellor either on your own or as a family. That's what we did and it really helped.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 11:14 PM on Jul. 23, 2013


  • The step kids are 9 and 7 then the two youngest are 6 and 18 months.I have talked to my husband many many time to many to count about how i feel and how bad it has gottin and he always tells me "momma don't worry about it i will handle it" and he will talk to his kids or spank them and tell them that i may not be there real mother but i am their step mother and i am adult so they have to respect me and listen to me and do as i say with no questions, and it will work while he is here but shortly after he leaves it starts all over again. We believe it is because of their mother is why they are doing this, after there dad left she told the kids that it was my fault and that they should hate me. She would even let them kids run around her house and call me the B word as long as they didn't tell, which they did, but that was shortly after we got married their mother from what we can tell has changed.I'm just so lost.
    youngmother606

    Comment by youngmother606 (original poster) at 11:40 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • You sound overwhelmed and that's why I recommend counselling. What would help the situation is not just having him discipline them, you both need to sit and talk with them and set up rules and consequences that you can give when he is not there. I would include your 6yo as well. If you treat them all equally and consistently apply house rules things might get a little easier.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 11:46 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • Maybe making a behavior chart would help because then your husband will see what has been going on when he isn't there, or the kids will know he can keep track of what they do on the chart and they'll start acting better when he isn't home.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:49 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • Ok- voice of experience
    you are not their mom- not an attack, just fact
    they act like little shits wake dad up and have him deal with it immediately!
    You will eventually begin to say something like, "want me to wake up dad? No? then do as I say"

    but dad has to be willing to drop the hammer of god on them if they are attacking the other kids (and disobeying)

    when i was a step mom i was given full authority. the kids were in fact more concerned about me than dad because dad gave me that power
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:51 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • i may not be there real mother but i am their step mother and i am adult so they have to respect me and listen to me and do as i say with no questions,

    and this^^ has to stop.
    you are the authority
    he is in a way underminding you
    he needs to tell the kids (since this is your dynamic) that, "(Insert you name) is the adult. She has your best interests at heart. You WILL listen".
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:54 PM on Jul. 23, 2013

  • and one more thing- if he wont support you
    take your kids and tend to them
    put his kids in the room with him and have him deal with them

    its very harsh but- if he isnt going to support your authority then oh well too bad so sad
    the agreement was that you would do this TOGETHER

    he HAS to help you and support you in the upbringing of his children
    otherwise you are a walt disney evil step mom

    and that isnt the person he married is it?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:05 AM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • Wow I am so sorry, obviously the kids feel like they can bully you around. I am a psych major and I think it will take a lot of reinforcement. I am not an expert, but I do know it works.
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 12:06 AM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • Wow I am so sorry, obviously the kids feel like they can bully you around. I am a psych major and I think it will take a lot of reinforcement. I am not an expert, but I do know it works.
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 12:13 AM on Jul. 24, 2013

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