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How do i get my husband to make peace with my elderly mother and 56 year old brother after 5 years of not seeing one another. We have been married 39 years and they really never liked each other

I am very sad they dont come to any family celebrations and I have to see them alone by myself.I love my husband and love my mother and my brother. Breaks me apart that we cant all get along. My husband bithday is the same day as mine and they sent me a gift not him. Our daughter is having the first child and they wont come to visit. I'm heartbroken.
Is there any solution?5 years ago our only daughter got married my mother wanted to pay for the wedding and my husband didnt want her to do that since she always complained how he wasn't a good provider and she never liked him.They all kind of acted phoney in front of one another. My family thinks he is lazy and is after their money.My brother retired at 35 our father died and he lived off of dividend checks and life insurance. He never married or had any relationship. He is always with mom. We worked very hard and brought our only child up beautifu;;y. My mother made college and extras for her possible. My husbND WAS NOT A GOOD PROVODER. I  MADE THINGS WORKand people liked me more in our retail business HE WAS A BIT SELFISH and compulsive but he loved us very much, I think my mother and brother observed and didnt want me to have such a stressful life.T hey were surprised I stayed marry to him. My husband recourse was he worked much harder than both of them and my brother was manipulating my mother and I was going to get nothing in the end. I have a different thought. I am thankful to have a wonderful daughter and  i dont expect anything from anybody. Am i disrespectful to my husband by wanting them in my life and corresponding with them?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jul. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • What is the back story that happened 5 years ago?

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:14 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • yeah- who said what

    Answer by feralxat at 12:15 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • I see you are new here, you can type a reply back to us, it is hard to answer the question without knowing what caused the rift, something illegal, something just not nice, what is the story?

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:29 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • After 39 years I would just let it go.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:41 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • Well he didn't allow your mother to pay for the wedding, so how would they think he is after the money? Is he lazy? I don't get why laziness alone would make someone cut off contact with him, or did he choose to do so? I would say have your husband call your mother and brother, and say that he would like to get along with them for the sake of the new grandbaby? I guess the best you can hope for is politeness, you can't force him to like them or vice versa.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:44 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • So they think your husband is a gold digger, but then he insisted on paying for the wedding himself to prove a point.
    That should have been the end of it.
    Does he treat you and your children well? Are you happy? That's all that matters. they should be happy for you.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:54 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • How would your DH get their money? That's silly.

    I don't know how to get people who are stuck in their ways to get along with others. I have people in my family that are like that and I just prefer to not spend time around them. I hate having to walk on eggshells around explosive people, always worrying that you will say the wrong thing. Yeah, I just got back from a family vacation.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:58 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • Maybe the new baby will bring everyone together. It happens once in a while. But the bottom line is, you can't make anybody get along. They have to want to do it or it just won't happen, no matter how much you bend over backwards trying to make peace. I had to learn that one the hard way, and eventually I quit putting myself in the middle. People can either get along or not, it's soooo not my problem anymore.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:02 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • sounds funny, but I have learned that placing a folded piece of paper with his name on it under your ice trays resolve the bitterness of an individual

    Answer by B.Conley75 at 7:52 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

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