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My "step kids" always ask if I am their mom...

Its hard for me to say no...becuase I have only been dating this guy for 3 months and they have a really great mom, so is it necessary that I am their "mom?"
The bio mom tells them I am their step mom...but to be honest I am not ready for that title, so I am thinking of telling the kids that IF or WHEN your dad and I get married, then I would be your step mom. The kids are 4 and 6 however, so will they even understand this?
For now I just tell them to call me by my first name, and they do, but they also say Im their auntie, they say im their mom, they say im their babysitter, the list goes on when they are trying to explain to people who I am.
I then speak up and explain I am their dad's girlfriend who loves and cares about them and their dad and mom very much.
So do I play the mom card for now or is it too soon? Or shall I be more of a friend to them...
Significant other says, be their mom please they need a mother figure around here, so I do...I cook, clean, do thier laundry, advise them, watch them, teach them, play with them, discipline them (lightly), and tell them yes or no...I take charge so I am a friend...yet also strict in some ways only since I am the adult obviously
Thoughts?

 
lullaby572

Asked by lullaby572 at 5:24 PM on Jul. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,129 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Sorry, but I think it was extremely imprudent of your boyfriend to introduce you to his children so soon, much less depend on you to mother them. Since you're already in up to your neck, I'd keep doing what you're doing with the kids, but don't let them call you anything but your first name. Introduce yourself to others as Dad's girlfriend, and tell the kids you are a grown-up who cares about them very much. You can never have too many people love your child, I always say, but encouraging them to attach to someone who may not be permanent in their lives is just asking for their hearts to be broken.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:47 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • It's been three months and you're only dating. I'd be freaking out if a man I was dating for that length of time tried telling me I needed to be a mother figure to his children.

    You're definitely NOT their stepmom, let alone their mom. They have a mom. Just keep reminding them what your name is.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 5:26 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • You've been DATING for 3 months? Sorry, but you are not their step mom. They are not your step kids. You are nothing more than Dad's girlfriend at this point. 3 months is nothing.

    If and/or when you get serious enough to decide you want to marry, then you can all discuss exactly what your title and role should be.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:28 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • 3 MONTHS?! That is way too soon for kids that age to meet a parent's bf or gf. They need to see less of you now. You aren't ready for the title of stepmom & they sound like they are confused by all of this. Please step back- they already have a mom.

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:28 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • This is why you don't get that close until you're talking marriage.......
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:28 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • But come on people it has only been 3 months who knows the future of the relationship...they are already so attached.
    they love me so much..help

    And this is exactly why kids shouldn't meet someone you date until you're much more serious. You have no idea what might happen, and if you two break up, these kids are going to be heartbroken. I'm not blaming you, I think it's mostly Dad's fault. But you should keep it in mind in the future, if you date another guy with kids (if this doesn't last), don't let him introduce you to his kids so soon.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:29 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • But I have told them once that no, I am not their mom....I felt bad about it....and poor kids are probably confused because bio mom says I am a mom to them, yet I am telling them I am not!
    But come on people it has only been 3 months who knows the future of the relationship...they are already so attached.
    they love me so much..help
    lullaby572

    Comment by lullaby572 (original poster) at 5:26 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • I know, I agree with you so much ginger!
    lullaby572

    Comment by lullaby572 (original poster) at 5:27 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • So until then am I doing the right thing? Because I agree and I was stuck in this position by the bio mom!
    She keeps telling them Im their step mom wtf?
    lullaby572

    Comment by lullaby572 (original poster) at 5:30 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

  • Right, thank you wendythewriter, I met them very fast didn't I...1 month in...should have waited more like 3 or 6...It must be hard for a guy to date then if he has his kids full time...would need a babysitter and how would I ever come over?
    Family dynamics these days..confusing! I NEVER grew up with this madness
    my parents have been together and stayed together..its all new to me
    lullaby572

    Comment by lullaby572 (original poster) at 5:33 PM on Jul. 24, 2013

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