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3 Bumps

Having trouble letting myself love him again?

my fiance, recently engaged but I feel that we are only engaged because he had the money at the time and he doesn't want to lose me and wants to me choose to be with him again. We have been together for 8 years have 3 sons together, but after we had our second son he told me that we could no longer make out, lay in bed and cuddle any more since then we have been quite miserable, to be honest he has a deep hatred for me or so it seems when he gets mad at me which is often he even told me himself that he begins to hate me and he treats me very badly, and will walk away from me muttering about how I am a pain in the ass that I am unreasonable, that he is sick of this shit, his words not mine. until recently he wants to cuddle and make out before sex or just to make out to show affection for each other again but I have the urge to push him away and say what he said to me all those years ago that, that stuff is for teenagers and that we dont have time for that, after talking with him for months he wants our love to be strong again and he wants to marry me, I am just having trouble letting myself fall in love with him again fearing that he will just break my heart again. How do I accept his love again and fall in love with him again, every time I just pull away.

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n8nnickmom

Asked by n8nnickmom at 11:20 AM on Jul. 25, 2013 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,137 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like you guys could benefit from some counseling. Personally, I would make it a deal breaker - if he's not willing to go, then how do you know that he really wants/means to change?

    And that BS about not being affectionate? DEAD WRONG. I was married to a man like that for 23 years. The next guy I went out with was extremely affectionate and I LOVED it. That guy wasn't right for me in the end, but I realized how affectionate I am and how important it is to me. Some people aren't like that, but if you like it, don't let him remove that from your relationship.
    KPBMom

    Answer by KPBMom at 11:29 AM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Honestly, only you can make that decision. It sounds as if you are miserable in the relationship and that he bounces back and forth from being nice and then to treating you like sh$t. How are the kids responding to there daddy treating their mommy like this?
    BeachMommy07

    Answer by BeachMommy07 at 11:30 AM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • DON'T. Please walk away from this idiot right now. TODAY. Every moment you stay with him is damaging your children's ability to have a healthy normal relationship. Get out RIGHT NOW before any more harm is done.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:34 AM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I would be asking myself WHY I would want to love him again. He doesn't exactly sound like Prince Charming here. Hell, he doesn't even sound like Prince Okay.

    He treats you like crap. He might be nice for a while, but he still treats you like crap. Why would you want that? You can't bring yourself to fall in love with him again because you know that he'll treat you like crap again.

    You could try counseling like the first answer says. But regardless of whether you try counseling, walk away, or whatever you decide to do, DON'T let the relationship continue as is.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:00 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Honestly, it takes time and everyone has different amounts of time that's needed. I would say that if your asking how do you not pull away or how to fall in love with him again. It might just be that you are forcing yourself something that you know it's real in your heart. And you can't fake love, either you feel it or you don't. You could just let yourself feel these feelings and let him know that you forgive him but that your still hurt and it's going to take time to feel the feelings I did back then for you. Good luck! relationships are tough. There is no easy or right answer!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 1:09 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Couples counseling. You need to communicate your feelings to him in a safe and neutral environment. He has hurt you and taught you how to expect him to be. Without him fully understanding the consequences of his words he will just repeat the pattern.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:54 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • So he won't kiss or hold you, and you're still spreading your legs for him?
    8 years and no wedding?
    You shouldn't just be pulling away, you should be RUNNING away!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:58 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I am so sorry life has gone from one extreme to another ...But there is light at the end of the tunnel for you....you are not married YET!
    Keep looking for that special man.
    hau_siyoka

    Answer by hau_siyoka at 3:14 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I would not let myself fall in love with him again. I'd find someone who made me feel special and happy, not miserable, and who would be a good role model for the boys about how a man should treat a woman.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 9:43 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • its cute he's loving on you again
    just please dont marry him until you BOTH are ready
    how about you show him this post and dont hide any emotions?
    that'll really bring yall closer
    gl
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 1:33 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

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