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5 Bumps

Ques. for those whose parents kicked them out when they were 18+ years of age

How is your relationship with your parents now? How long did it take you to get over being mad about being kicked out?

I know all relationships are different- I just want to prepare myself. As some of you may recall, things w/ my 22 y/o son have been pretty rough for a while now. He refuses to pay rent (he's 5 mths. behind), he refuses to help out in any way & rarely cleans up after himself. We are at the end of our rope. No matter what we say or how we say it, it doesn't seem to sink in. Yet he has money for a $20/mth Gym membership, $120/mth in supplements & protein powder (shakes) & just took the day off from both his jobs last Friday to attend a concert (ticket was $40) Yet he can't come up w/ the $100/mth we are asking for rent?!

Anyway, you can obviously go anon if this is too personal to ask about your relationship with your parents- just trying to get a consensus here. Thx ladies.

Answer Question
 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 12:30 PM on Jul. 25, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (282,895 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • I did not "kick" my children out, but rather, gave them the choice of going to college full time and living at home or on campus... or getting a full time job and finding their own apartment. Both of my girls went to college originally, neither finished. Both got full time jobs and are living on their own now. One has been back for a month or so here and there, but nothing that I needed to support her during.

    I think when it comes to parenting a child at that age, it's time to stand firm. Helping your kids out with money, a bill or a down payment here and there is one thing, but I would never stand for an adult taking advantage of living at home with no job or college. It's not easy watching your children struggle, but sometimes that's what makes one stronger. After all, you never cease watching out for your child. I'm always here in the background and have always made that point known.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:35 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Suffice it to say I refer to the people who raised me as just that, The people who raised me. But there was never really any love the 15 years I was in their home.

    My former MIL, who had 11 kids, has had to kick a few of them out. She promised me- all kids understand once they leave home and pay their own way.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:36 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • My husband was told to leave the day after he graduated from high school, by his stepdad, mind you there were adult kids of the stepfather's living in the house at the time. He went to stay with his sister, and joined the military, it was the best thing that ever happened to him.
    His mother is now divorced and they are semi-close, she isn't the type that extends herself unless it benefits her. Is your son in school? Do you pay for it? Have you talked to him about joining the military (he would learn to pick up then,lol). I say you and your DH take him out tonight, and say, either you shape up or on August 15th you will no longer have a place to live, make him give you the rent today. I think he wants to believe you are not serious.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:36 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Well, my father physically shoved me out of the house in the middle of a fight when I was 17, so I knew the second I turned 18, I had to move out. It wasn't much of an option: move out or be kicked out. So, I moved out on my 18th birthday. I have no relationship with my father at all now, but I tried for many years, just because it was the right thing to do. My situation is different from yours because my father is a liar, a loser, and a drunk. He will be absolutely vicious to people and hate their guts, then sober up and think all is normal and you should act like nothing happened.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 12:38 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • mrsmom, I just want to add that I was pretty much on my own at 19, baby and married. However, my parents never forced my younger brother to do anything. He pretty much lived there on and off, for... well, he still kinda does. My parents have raised 2 out of the 4 children he had. Now, they are in their 70's babysitting for one of those kids' baby. I think it's highly unfair and it angers me to no end... but in the end, I know that I was raised correctly... he wasn't.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:43 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I haven't actually been in this position but a friend kicked her 20 year old son out about a a year ago. He was pissy for a few months but got over it. She's helped him a bit, here and there, financially and she has an open door policy for visiting but he was much like your son....he caused discourse in the home and had no incentive to make it on his own.

    She was sick about it but it had to be done.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:44 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I wasn't kicked out but I did give a deadline to two of my boys to be employed and out of my house. They'd had some disappointing set backs after they were 18 so I allowed them to stay home thinking they were working through it. After a few months it became obvious they were just stuck in a rut and getting content at going nowhere. So I gave them four months to get it together and move out. They needed a kick in the butt to get motivated. They were a little pisssy about it but now that their lives are productive and they've moved along they are happy I did it. So I suggest the same to you. Set a reasonable dead line and stick to it.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:44 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • My son works 2 part time jobs & will (hopefully) be going back to college in the Fall. He doesn't take summer classes. Even tho he has those things in his favor, the tension he causes by taking us for granted & using us for all he can, is starting to take its toll. I couldn't even get a hug from the boy last Sat. when our dog had to be put to sleep. I was visibly upset, but he couldn't even muster up a hug for his own mom?! WTF?! He "forgets" to flush & eats things that I have written on (like "for dinner" "for lunches" or "NO!") When we allowed him to move back in Oct., we told him things would be different this time & what we expected from him. He agreed then, but is not keeping up his end of the bargain. Not sure how much more my husb. & I are supposed to put up with. :(
    mrsmom110

    Comment by mrsmom110 (original poster) at 12:45 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I graduated in June of 1991,and about a week later,my mom started talking about my 2 options. I either pay her $300 a month just to live there(food not included),or i can get out.
    i didn't even have a job yet.
    She was "nice" enough to let me save up money over the summer,but made me get out by October 1st.
    I hated her guts for this.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:45 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I hated her guts for this.
    butterflyblue19 Answer by butterflyblue19 a minute ago

    ^^^ But it is any better now?
    mrsmom110

    Comment by mrsmom110 (original poster) at 12:48 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

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