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2 Bumps

Is there anything I can do to protect my family? What are my rights as a stepmother? What can I do to make things easier for my husband?

I am recently married (we dated for 2 and a half years prior). Together we have a daughter currently 4 months old, and my husband has a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. My husband and stepson's mother have joint custody, but we are supposed to have him on Sundays and my husband always pays the child support like he is supposed to. In the past two years or so she has been dumping him off at our house for one reason or another for weeks at a time. We buy his clothes to send to her house or send extra undies, etc. when she demands more money. He recently got a better paying job and I quit my job to finish college and take care of our kids. She keeps threatening to take my husband to court "for every penny he's worth." I keep track of when we have my stepson and what we buy for him, but I don't know if it makes a difference. I feel it's a little unfair that he has to still pay child support when we have him most.

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Asked by Mooma1991 at 3:02 PM on Jul. 25, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'd defiantly say to continue keeping track of things you buy for him by keeping all receipts, keeping a time log of exact times he comes and goes when she randomly drops him off like that, and if possible have witnesses to her doing so (a friend or neighbor, etc) to testify that he is indeed with you guys most. You guys could take her to court with such evidence and potentially get your husband to not have to pay child support if you can prove he's in your care the majority of the time and that she has changed the terms of visitation to where you guys are his primary source of care now, possibly resulting in her having to be the one to pay child support. I wish you the best!

    Answer by kmr992 at 3:12 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • What does Dad want to do?

    Answer by feralxat at 3:29 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • You have kept track. Go back to court and get full custody

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:36 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • My husband and I would love nothing more than to have full custody. He tried to sit down with his son's mom to peacefully talk about it, especially since he will be starting preschool next year, and she made accusations that he doesn't want to pay more child support, I'm a worthless mother because I don't work, and that she doesn't trust me. It's obviously not going to be a peaceful ordeal from her, which is fine. We continue to do what she wants and do our best to get along with her for my stepson.

    Comment by Mooma1991 (original poster) at 4:05 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Write it all down, take it to court, have custody agreement modified.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 4:05 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I agree, go back to cort. If the mom is leaving the little boy with you for weeks at a time, she's harming him. That needs to stop. Keep detailed records and let the judge sort it out, since talking peacefully with the woman only put her one th defensive.

    Answer by Ballad at 7:58 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • In addition to what the first pp mentioned, if you have emails or texts saying when she's dropping him off or picking him up that would be helpful. You would want to try to modify custody first, then modify child support based on the custody decision.

    Answer by missanc at 8:04 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I think primary physical custody is what you'd be looking at establishing, based on what actually is happening. It's different than "getting full custody" or having her "lose custody." They already are/were sharing custody, but it sounds like she had (has) primary physical custody. That's what could be changing, if you were to pursue it in court.
    Why not talk to a lawyer about everything, and about how to proceed?

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:49 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I have no idea the scope of this woman's issues and bitterness, but it sounds like she is either nuts or so ingratiated with revenge on your husband that she is using the child as leverage and cares more about the money than the child. That is dangerous. I agree you should continue to document, get witnesses and even maybe have some photos in a journal ready to go.

    I really think you should talk to a lawyer at least to find out your odds and how to proceed before taking it to court. Again, I do not know this woman but sounds like someone who would leave the child with a complete stranger just for spite or not be afraid of doing other harm in the spirit of revenge and "getting every penny".

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 4:48 PM on Aug. 2, 2013

  • Lots of good advice. How are things?

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:38 AM on Nov. 2, 2013

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