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How much notice does the father need if I plan to move?

I live on an island and my family lives in the states. I have a 2+ year old and her father and I are on cooperative terms. He takes her 2 nights per week and we share her on holidays and celebrate her birthdays together. When I was 6 months pregnant (we were not together but remained friends) I told him that I did not plan on living on the island forever. He said he understood, asked if it would be ok to follow me where I went and I said of course. He has a large amount of debt, can never stick with a job and only gives me money for our daughter when he has extra - which is very rare. I have paid for everything from the hospital fees to food and never ask for a penny. I would like to move near my family in 5 months for support and to finish school (I have no family here). He has had 3 years to prepare for this moment: do I stay until he gets his s**t together or is 5 months reasonable notice?

Answer Question

Asked by lilla29 at 11:19 PM on Jul. 25, 2013 in Travel

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • 5 months is more than reasonable notice.
    Has paternity been established?
    Do you have a court ordered placement/visitation order?

    You might want to put that in place before announcing the move.

    In my papers, it states that the parent that moves 60+ miles from the marital residence must give 60 day notice. And the other parent can object to the move.

    If you don't have anything in place, he can bring you up on charges of kidnapping. Then you would turn around and ask for child support - including back child support with interest. It could get real messy.

    If in doubt, check with an attorney.

    But I would say go for it. Sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and are looking out for your child and yourself.
    Good luck!

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 11:24 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • He is 100% the father but is not on the BC - I gave birth to her in my mom's town then came back here with her when she was 1 month. We have never established any agreements through the court but have never had any disagreements regarding our daughter and what is best for her. In 2 years he knows that I will definitely be moving, but now I have the opportunity to move sooner. (I own a business and the lease expires in 2 years - he is aware of all this. However I am able to leave the job sooner.) If she was born outside of where we live now, can I and should I file for sole custody here? Or should I file it where she was born?

    Comment by lilla29 (original poster) at 11:34 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Do you have any court ordered child agreement or is this all just agreed on outside of the courts.
    If it is official you would generally need to notify him and the court at least 3o days prior to moving. If you have not got a court order you can move any time you want and frankly I would not say a word until after you have moved.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:36 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • File in the place she was born

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:52 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Five months is more than reasonable notice. Take care of yourself and the child, and let him figure out the rest. He shouldn't be allowed to hold you back just because he can't get his poop in a group.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:58 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • You can file for sole custody, but he can fight you on it. You need to go through the courts or this could get really ugly. Unless you think he is just going to give up his daughter without a fight.

    Answer by kmath at 12:05 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

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