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What would you do?

Short lowdown - I've been separated for almost a year and we have not filed due to many reasons (trying not to fight it out in court). My ex told me today that he informed our 4 year old daughter that "Mommy will be bringing random men to her apartment." I shouldn't even have to explain why this is wrong to do but he sticks by telling her this. I'm sure some of you are going to ask why he thinks this and the best answer I can give you is I once had a past (waaaaaaaaaaaay before I became a mother). So, what would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Jul. 25, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Go to court and get your divorce finalized. Until you are divorced you are still married and should not be seeing anyone else.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:40 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • I'm not seeing anyone though. He has these assumptions about my lifestyle because of my past. I was talking more about should I fight for full custody since he obviously does not have her best interest at hand?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:44 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • How have you reacted when your daughter tells you what her dad has said? Can you just tell her that her dad doesn't know what you'll be doing and that you won't be bringing strangers around, and then stick by that? She'll believe you if you say it and then follow through, and she'll report back to her dad that he's wrong and Mommy isn't bringing home strangers. How is he otherwise as a dad?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:49 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Try for joint custody and work out something so your daughter can benefit from being with both parents.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:49 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • You can try but you won't get it based on that. It's unfortunate but true that many parents say crappy things to their kids once a marriage ends...or even during a marriage and judges really don't want to hear it. Read some of the posts on here about moms fighting for custody when the ex is an absolute and total shit. They rarely get full custody even. The best you can do is tell your daughter that daddy is just being silly and A little crabby but he loves her and will stop being so grouchy soon
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 11:54 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • This has not been the first problem we've had since we've split. He goes through "cycles". Sometimes he complains he doesn't get to see her enough, other time he claims he doesn't have enough time for himself or his friends and therefore he asks if I will take her. She hates going over there and we realize it was because she would go so many days without seeing him but the more she saw him the better it was for her. I had to FORCE him to start seeing her more so that she would not have problems going over there. Sometimes he plans personal things and makes her tag along rather than spending the day with her. There are two full days that he has with her and he decided to go out to Vegas and those two days. So needless to say, I've pretty much forced him to have a relationship with his daughter.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:54 PM on Jul. 25, 2013

  • Get a lawyer. Get shit in writing. PERIOD.
    Then it won't matter what kind of mood he's in.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:03 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • If the two of you aren't on the same page on parenting now, there is no reason to think you can co-parent after the divorce. You can get joint custody with minimal visitation time for him and you are the final decision maker. You need to research your state's family law for the divorce and the custody. See if you can get some free counsultations with several attorneys. In my state, it is part of parental rights that neither parent should speak ill of the other parent when in the child's presence. Document his visitations, what times, how often, if he wants to be in your child's life, he will be. Think ahead and try and do what will work permanently. Family law is different in every state and in my state, it isn't easy to get a custody order changed once the judge signs it.
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 12:07 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Court. First mistake was not going there. Court TOMORROW. Yes, go for full custody. No father is better than a guy like you describe.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:20 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • that mommies need love too
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 1:22 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

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