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I am getting so damn sick and tired of him walking around like a f**king bear with a thorn in his a$$!!!!

So all day today DH is pouting, walking round with this ridiculous attitude because dd wasn't listening to him. So he goes to the computer room and shuts himself inside, I feel like once again, I am by myself because he is acting like a big 'ol fucking baby.

Our dd was acting like a typical 4 yr old. There are days she is really good, other days not so good, other days I find myself wanting to bang my head into the brick building. Well today was the brick building day, especially for dh. He had today off, so I slept in. When she got up, I could tell it was gonna be one of those days. So I grinned and turned over went back to sleep. Next thing I hear is him yelling at her to listen to him, and of course she did not, he threatens her that she will come inside and spend the rest of the day in her room. Mind you this is at about 11:30 am. I am bed thinking yeah right, that'll happen, like he will want to fight her and yell at her to stay in her room all day. Best the luck with that honey! And if he would have followed through with that threat, I suddenly had a doctors appt I forgot about.

So the day goes on, the fucking thorn is still in his ass, and we were out back, and he was cleaning out the wooden thing we keep our potatoes in. Somehow water got in there and they went bad, and my main suspect is our 4 yr old. lol. Well she was riding her bike, he tells her to keep away from it, do not touch (his mom got it years ago before she died). And he said if she didn't listen. and and she messed with it anyway, her bike would go bye bye. I look at him and ask him really?? Isn't that a little much?? (dd was in the house going pee when I asked that) When someone says "bye bye" I take it too mean gone right? No longer there? He gets into a huff, and says she better start listening him, and not ignoring him. I again am astonished, I tell him this is what I deal with with all the time, welcome to parenthood! What would taking her bike accomplish? Not a damn thing. He says by taking the bike as punishment, it would teach her to listen to him, and he wouldn't give back to her. Ya kinda like telling her that every time she get into stuff that is not hers, he would just spank her, no warning. What would that accomplish? Just her being afraid of him everytime he comes near her. She wouldn't put 2 and 2 together! She is 4!!

If she misbehaving, ok so tell her she cannot ride her bike or whatever. But shouldn't the crime equal the punishment so to speak? But that still doesn't mean for him to make permanent. To me something like that would be like getting grounded. We all got grounded at some point when we were kids, to our rooms, or the phone when you are a teen, but you still would get the privilege back and would be able to go back outside, or use the phone again! But she is 4, so I do not know if she would understand for the long term why she cannot ride her bike.

I think I am seeing how his dad raised him, and I see he may have been quite the asshole, but he tells me he is nothing like his dad. Well I beg to differ. He is NOT abusive to her, doesn't hit her or nothing like that ladies, just a lot of frustration on his part.

So am I wrong on this? I would hate it if I was, because then I would have to go back and admit I was wrong, and I have already did that last year and I only allow myself 2 time every other year or so. And I would hate it he fainted and hit his thorn that was in his ass causing it to go further up in his ass.

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Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 12:34 AM on Jul. 26, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • It's in the water apparently, ill tell ya.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • It seems as though you guys are inconsistent and are definitely not on the same page. There is WAY too much yelling going on, in my opinion. You both are bringing yourselves down to her level....you're not acting like the parents.

    In my opinion, if she does not behave/listen, it is up to you both to calmly and rationally place her in time out, or have some other reasonable punishment in place that you use every single time. And you both need to do it. This has nothing to do with whether he is right, or you are right. It has to do with parenting your daughter appropriately and consistently.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:40 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Parenting classes and counseling. Tomorrow. The two of you need to get on the same page. As Prissy said, who's right is UNIMPORTANT. And from what I read, you're both in the wrong as far as your attitudes toward each other go.

    Abandon the idea that you will only admit you're wrong twice a year. You will be wrong twice an hour, and so will he. As you said, welcome to parenthood, the greatest uncontrolled experiment in the world. We ALL make mistakes.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:49 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Mrs_Prissy...Thats what I tell him! We need to be consistent. Every time she misbehaves she gets a timeout. He complains it doesn't work. I tell him just keep doing it, and it will sooner or later it may dawn on her what she is doing. I really try hard not to yell at her, because it upsets her and me, I end up making it up to her. I just wish he would stop doing it, because its me mad, but every time I suggest to him alternatives, we get into an argument, well actually he gets his undies in a bunch telling me I think he is a bad parent and blah blah blah and he storms off claiming he's done talking about it. GRRRR
    I quite frankly have no idea what to do about it. When her and I are alone, she does listen to me for the most part, and the good days are getting longer...
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 12:50 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Raising kids is hard. Your husband does seem sulky about it--mine gets the same way--and if I say anything about how I think something is too much or too harsh, then he does this "you think I'm a bad parent so I'll just stay out of it and you deal with it" crap, which pisses me off. About the bike, I think you are right. Your daughter wouldn't understand over the long term why her bike was confiscated. What if you set up a sticker chart and show Dad how to use it, so he has an effective tool of rewards he can use when he doesn't know what else to do?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:56 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • :"You will be wrong twice an hour, and so will he"
    I know this, I was just being sarcastic is all. And I did mention the parenting classes, and getting on the same page. But he seems to be against the idea. Like someone else is "gonna tell you how to raise your child" like attitude. He gives me this example today, he say how would I feel if went out and crashed the car and totalled it. I tell him it would upset/.piss me, especially if he did it on purpose and I hoped he didn't get hurt, and I shrug and say to him looks like I would have to take the bus. But what could I do about it? Nothing, and he get pissed! He says I don't care. Well WTF can I do about? I would have to plan around the bus schedule.
    I didn't understand the example either...
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 12:57 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • "What if you set up a sticker chart and show Dad how to use it, so he has an effective tool of rewards he can use when he doesn't know what else to do?"Ballad'
    Thats one helluva good idea! Hmm who knew? LOL I will have to suggest that.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 12:59 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • It sounds to me like you both have different ideas on how to discipline your daughter. He wants to do one thing, and you're undermining him at every turn, to HIM. The way *I* understand it, he's more grumpy at your interventions and undermining than he is at your daughter's antics. All that being said, he did seem to overreact to your daughter's misdeeds, at least a little.

    As for the "she's 4, she won't understand" excuse. I don't buy it. At 4, BOTH of my kids could figure out what was acceptable and what wasn't. Not all the time, but very common things like don't go outside without Mom/Dad, the stove is hot, stay out of the kitchen, the computer is hands-off, etc. Stuff that is always the rule, like leaving the potato box alone, she is plenty old enough to know better.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:32 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • "Stuff that is always the rule, like leaving the potato box alone"
    Yes I know this, and she knew to leaver it alone. My thing was the punishment that would happen. If she messed with the box, she would get her bike taken away for good? How fair is that? Its the threats he makes can be outlandish at times. Like I said above, when she wasn't listening to him, yes she should get a timeout on that because she does know better. Its the threat he gives her. Like he would really make her stay in her room all day?? I keep telling him if he is gonna make a threat, make it a realistic one. When I threaten her with a punishment for not doing as I ask or whatever, I will tell her something like she wouldn't ride her bike for the rest of the day, well depending on when it happens, or no swimming, or no friends over, whatever. And I do carry it out each and every time. She does listen to me and does what I ask of her.


    cont
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 10:43 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • When he does it, she already knows or got used to him threatening discipline, but he never carries through with it. Thats the biggest issue as I see it. I tell him this. I am not purposely undermining him, I would never do that. But that is one of the biggest issue, making threats and doesn't follow through is probably why she does tend to ignore him. But I have noticed on the days he is home, he seems to be yelling at her or telling her 'no' all the time. She wants to spend time with her daddy but he's 'busy'. He only has been working 4 days a week, and he can't spend one day with her by himself which I told him that also may play a factor in why she really doesn't listen to him. I do not if its true or not. How long is a 4 yro memory span?
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 10:59 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

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