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2 Bumps

How else was i suppose to address the concern and am i being unreasonable? (long)

ok so, the judge overseeing my divorce instructed me and my husband's attorney to fill out a final judgment proposal and send it to eachother and her via email, along with our proposed parenting plan. basically she wants us to submit how WE want HER to rule on the case, she'll review them both, and make her own decision.

well i got his attorney's last night and i have an issue with their timesharing schedule. first of all i want his visits to be in my home and supervised by me but the judge already knows that. they are proposing unsupervised visitation and every other weekend from friday at 5 or afterschool until MONDAY at 9 am, and one overnight EACH week.

my problem is that our 4 year old is starting a pre-k program this fall. it runs with the school year and once you get the voucher, attendance is mandatory. it's M-F for 3 hours a day and starts at either 8-9 am, i haven't been given a time slot yet.

my ex lives 25 minutes away. plus he's not reliable when it comes to following a schedule. and i cannot see his lazy ass waking up at 6-6:30 to get her ready, fed, and then drive all the way over here to drop her off on time. same thing with the overnight. not to mention the fact that our 4 year old hates waking up early and if she were to wake up here on a school morning, she could get the full amount of rest that she needs before school.

so since everything was sent via email, i responded to that concern because the judge is suppose to consider our timesharing schedules. i just wanted to point out that ending on Monday for him is not conducive to our child's schooling, and that if he is awarded his plan, his timesharing should end Sunday at 6 pm and no overnights on weekdays. is that unreasonable to you?

his lawyer wrote back saying that my email was "improper" and that my ex is perfectly capable of dropping her off. but that is not the case, he is always late and i will be pissed the fuck off if his lateness jeopardizes her kindergarten preparedness which she absolutely NEEDS.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Jul. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • You were right to state your concerns and to stick by them. His lawyer is there for his interests, not yours. Do you not have a GAL assigned for your child's interests?
    You would be better off with your own attorney, though.

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:15 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • you were correct in voicing your concerns
    and the atty was doing his job by putting his client's interests before yours
    youre fine

    the atty is his atty if he elects to not communicate with you and attempt to come to an all around happy agreement its ok
    you do what you need to

    may want to include copies of those e-mails for the judge so she knows you tried to hammer something out before presenting to the judge

    (i am really vague on if that is allowable- but know judges do ask, "did you try to come to an agreement before coming to me", may want to ask her clerk if you are allowed to include emails. they can tell you that much because it isnt legal advice)

    Answer by feralxat at 9:17 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • well the correspondences between his lawyer and i are also CC'd to the judge, so she gets the emails too. whether or not she reads them i'm not sure lol

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:28 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • So the judge want to see his idea and your idea separately written out? 


    Answer by louise2 at 9:50 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • You have to state your objections, how else would the judge know....

    Answer by Bmat at 9:53 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • You were perfectly correct. Don't let his lawyer scare you.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:20 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • I think you were reasonable. I would point out that you want the child going to school for your house everyday for the sake of consistency, and stability for your child. That's what worked for me in getting my kids going to school from my house every day.
    But that's how this works, his attorney is going to fight for his client, you stand your ground.

    Answer by missanc at 10:33 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Well, of course his lawyer is going to tell you not to say that and that it's not true! No lawyer's going to risk not getting paid by saying, "Yeah, I know, my client's a total loser." lol

    You did what you should have done. You have concerns, and you voiced them, with explanation of why you feel they're valid. Hopefully the judge will see your side.

    Ignore his lawyer when he gives you crap about being "improper." Voicing your concerns is not improper, it's exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:34 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Yeah, you just have to remember that his lawyer is going to do everything he can to get what his client wants. If that means intimidating you then he will try it. Just ignore him. You did the right thing. The judge needs to know about school and your concerns so she can make a proper ruling.

    Answer by kmath at 10:41 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Maybe the lawyer is stating that you aren't expected to go back & forth commenting on the proposals, but simply present your final judgment proposal & proposed parenting plan. I can see that.
    I have no idea what is appropriate in this situation but perhaps you could respond to this reprimand by asking for clarification or guidance about how to voice concerns you have about the proposal, and then proceed. You could just acknowledge that perhaps you should have clarified that first before proceeding, but you didn't. It would show that you are concerned about protocol & about being reasonable.
    I think it's possible that you did misstep but obviously it's because you have concerns. That is understandable. Being open to possibly having misused the forum seems like a reasonable way to handle the lawyer's reproach.
    I do think it's best to focus on proposing your own plan, and you could clarify its "merits" to make the distinctions.

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:59 AM on Jul. 26, 2013

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