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In Defense of spanking...

Since I am obviously not going to get a response from that other mom o.0

I'll admit it freely. I have lost my shit. I have warned the kids (esp. 14 yo- that child has tested my patience) if you don't stop a certain behavior, "You're going to get spanked".

I have also said, "Sometimes their little brains need to be jump started". Think runnng out into traffic/ trying to burn down the house. Yeah, been in both situations.

So, here''s the question, since I believe spanking is just one tool in the parenting arsenal:

Do you talk to your kids about why they were spanked?
If so, what does the conversation sound like?

 
feralxat

Asked by feralxat at 7:59 PM on Jul. 26, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 45 (195,152 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • with my DD it was the only thing that got thru to her sometimes. it was never a regular punishment and it was always discussed before and after. it would get her attention and most times refocus her...i hated it. she's 5 now and i havent had any major problems with her behavior and she has no fear or hatred toward us.

    now my DS...hes only 2 and ive only spanked him once. it was awful! he is definitely one of those kids that spanking doesnt work on. he just escalated and his feelings were very very hurt. it just doesnt work for him.

    imo its all about knowing what works with your child and what doesnt. spanking does work with my DS so i wont use it, but it works wonders for DD.
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 7:49 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • Yes. Definitely, I talk to my daughter, usually both before and after she gets a couple of swats. Too many times when I was growing up, I'd get either spanked or kicked or knocked around, and have no damn idea why, so I don't want that to happen to my daughter. It's usually something like:

    "What did I tell you would happen the next time you got up off the stairs (the time out spot) before I said you could?"

    "Spanked?"

    "Yes. So now that's what will happen."

    Afterward, I sit with her and hug her for a minute, and make sure she knows why she got in trouble and that I still love her very much.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 8:10 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • I spanked rarely but I don't remember having any sort of conversation about it afterward. Spanking came at times of danger to them, typically, and they knew what they were being spanked for. Of course, this was more than a few years ago....there wasn't as much of a push to have conversations about why they were punished, or how much I loved them. They knew both of those things and they don't seem any worse for wear.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:14 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Very few times, a couple of times running into the street, couple of times several warnings before it happened. The conversation happened after the fact. Something like I hated to do that, but if you test me and I warned you, it will be the same result.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 8:17 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • Yes. I spanked DS for biting me when he was younger. He would do it all the time. Just me. I didn't spank for a long time, but he started to leave bruises and I finally had enough. He was young, but old enough to know better. I would tell him why he was spanked, but I'm not sure it really sank in until the last time he did it. I always felt like a turd for it though.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:14 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • I always gave my kids plently of warning. They knew from an early age. When I said stop or you will get a spanking. I meant it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:25 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • When myself or my ex spanked, the kids knew what they did wrong. They also always knew the consequences. We never really had to do it that often. It seems like they learned pretty quickly. LOL!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:25 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • The one time I did, I apologized and explained mommy just wanted them to be safe. It was wrong for me to swat him. Unfortunately for me all that stuck in his head was... It's ok to hit people when I am frustrated. It doesn't work in my arsenal. He hits me whenever he is frustrated over any given situation. So now I am working with a behavior therapist to stop that behavior and learning techniques I can apply to myself to keep my temper in check so I don't spank out of rage or frustration. Ideally so I don't spank at all. I always feel like crap when I lose it and resort to spanking. Not that it matters, but my child does have autism. Which only made me feel worse about the spanking. I should have handled it better. There are better techniques for teaching appropriate behavior so you should never have to spank. If it works for you that's fine. It just doesn't for me.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 8:13 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • He knows he's loved even if he does make me black and blue on occasion. The conversation was a bit one sided. He knows what he did, but lacks communication skills and empathy.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 8:16 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

  • if they get spanked, which it has happened before, i'll say "do you know why you were spanked?" usually the answer is no, because of course, they are infallible in their own minds, so i'll continue with "i spanked you because... "
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:22 PM on Jul. 26, 2013

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