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4 Bumps

My Husband.

Do you make all of the decisions about your kids together, or can you make them on your own?

Our son and his girlfriend decided they were ready to have sex. My Husband and I found out. I sat on it for about a week, and then decided to call her parents, and tell them. I had given his girlfriend a week to tell them, and she didn't, and kept telling my son that she didn't know how.
I felt they needed to know, so I called them and we are all on the same page. During all of this my Husband's been out of state. Her parents and I agreed that they needed a break. Which was about a week. They are both 16, and have been dating for almost a year.

Today he was invited to their house. I spoke to her Mom, and they said they would be home, and it was okay with them.
I didn't call and talk to my Husband, I thought we had agreed it was up to her parents when they saw each other again. Hubby was upset. Said I should have asked how he felt about it first. I had already let him go. I feel like a child sometimes. I thought he could trust my judgement about it. He won't be seeing her everyday, only when her parents say it's okay. Which will maybe be once a week.
This isn't the first time he's made me feel like a child. I realize the decisions are ours, but I also feel we had agreed to something prior to this, and now he's upset at me because I didn't call and talk to him.
I'm always home, 24/7 with our 3 boys. He's away working about 290 days out of the year.
Oh and he got upset over all of it over text because he doesn't have a good signal. It all started when he saw a pic on facebook of our son, and he was at her house... Hope this wasn't too confusing. Thanks

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Jul. 28, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I can see where you would feel second guessed by your husband. I would be upset if I didn't have the right to make decisions about my daughter, or even my stepson in my house, when my boyfriend wasn't around. I inform him I I've said something is going to be a certain way, and he has backed me up eve if he didn't necessarily agree with what I'd said, because we won't allow the kids to play us against each other. I try to consult ahead of time, but it doesn't always work that way. I would not call your son andtell him to come home since you and the other parents have already agree he could see his girlfriend and the other parents are there. Your son will, rightfully, resent the hell out of it if the plug gets pulled on him now.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 7:38 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • When my DH wasn't home, I made the decisions and vice versa.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 7:23 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • My kids aren't that old yet but I'd hope that my DH would trust my judgement. My father worked a ft & pt job for years when we grew up and he had to allow my mother to make family decisions and trust that she had our best interest at heart. Good luck to you
    Danni143

    Answer by Danni143 at 6:39 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • So how would his decision had differed from yours?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:48 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • I would've simply spoken to my son (if I were you) and left the girl's parents out of it.
    Maybe that's what he's bothered by, you over-stepping your boundaries.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 6:58 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • I've been a single mom for 3 1/2 yrs, but when I was married, my spouse and I worked opposite shifts so we didn't have to have a sitter. He was a control freak so I wasn't allowed to make ANY decision. I had to clear everything with him. Now that we are divorced, we are better at parenting. It's more of joint decisions.

    They are going to have sex if they want to and there really isn't anyway you can stop them. You should have at least texted him letting him know that your son was going over there and that you had already cleared it with the mom who was going to be there.
    With my ex, I've found that he needs to know everything so if I'm a step ahead of the game and tell him what's going on, there is less likely going to be a problem.

    Good luck and remember that communication (as much as possible) is important. Kids need to see that their parents are a united front.
    tempsingl3mom

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 6:55 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • You both have to separate duties and agree on your domain (kids' issues, finances, home maintenance, etc.). He should never second guess your decisions in front of kids. Both of your authorities have to be on the same page. If it were me, I would've made the decision but informed him of it to keep him in the loop. It's not really his or your decision since the girl's parents are also involved in this situation, but in general if it only concerned your kids, then you should be able to make decisions in the absence of your husband. Did he communicate that he wanted to be kept informed before he took a job that made him work away from home? It's his job to communicate that as well.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 7:01 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • So what happens when he decides to dump his current gf and start dating someone else behind your backs?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • I think your husband should trust your judgement. It isn't like you tried to hide the fact that he went to her house...
    are you supposed to call him for every little thing? yikes
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:23 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

  • I'm divorced, and since my ex is out of the picture, all the decisions are up to me. But when we were still together, and I thought we would be raising my sons together, I always believed that while parents should agree on how to handle things regarding the kids, each parent should be able to independently make decisions regarding the kids when it's just not realistic to discuss and decide together. Him being out of town for work so much makes it rather unrealistic to expect you to discuss every decision with him for his input.

    If he just wants the heads up, then fine, but he also needs to understand that even that may not be immediate, depending on what else you have going on. If he doesn't like the situation as it is, and doesn't want to trust you to make decisions, then maybe he should find a job that doesn't take him away from home.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:31 PM on Jul. 28, 2013

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