Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Self employed mom of 3.. Adult step son as my employee..

I married my husband fully aware he had 2 kids.. 9 and 10 -10 years and several thousand issues later my step son is now 21. Hubby and I were both laid off in 09. He had a Contractors License Number from his dads business so we started our own business. Property preservation rehab and general Construction- Its been such hard work! My husband always insisted on having his son as an employee because he has alot to teach him and he wants the boy to have a future in this business. We have done all the hard labor and I the office to get this business to where it is today. With little to no help from ss. I pay him to look at his phone for 4 hrs a jackass the other 4 hrs. He has no intrest in this business or our family.. just give me my check is what I get. Pants down around the bottom of his ass cheeks I ask him to pull them up its ww3! I just feel like giving up! I insist he finds another job but no,refuses!! Hubby does not help

Answer Question
 
AmAy81

Asked by AmAy81 at 12:22 PM on Jul. 29, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Has he told his father he is not interested in the business and what he is interested in?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:26 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • Easy money, what kid in their right mind wouldn't take it. I say kid even though he is an adult.. Until hubby sees him for what he is, this will not change and you will be fighting a uphill battle.. Put the kid with dad for several weeks, he will slowly see..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:01 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • If he's not useful in the office, then he needs to be out working with his father, or else there's NO WORK for him in the business. A small business is unlikely to be able to afford paying for seat-warmers for very long.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 1:48 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • In many businesses when you start work you get handed a list of responsibilities. Does he know what he's supposed to be doing? I would suggest a contract with it explicitly written out what he is to do and the hours he is expected to work, including a dress code (you can likely find sample work contracts online). Just like in a "real" job, if he doesn't fulfill his duties, he has to go.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:06 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • I agree; send him out with Dad, because if your husband doesn't see how useless his son is being, you'll never get anywhere trying to tell him.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:06 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • Was it ever your son's decision to be a part of a family business? I understand your frustration but you have to be fair. You can't blame him for acting disinterested when he truly wasn't in the first place. You can encourage children, but you shouldn't force them to be passionate about your goals because they're yours. If you've ever watched any episode of Kitchen Nightmares, you will see that many episodes show how these messes came about because family members were forced to help out with a business. A real family business takes into account each person's interest. It shouldn't be seen as a fun family project; it's work still. Encourage him to seek a job that allows him to pursue his interests instead and which still lets him contribute to the family's financial health. Better that he work at all, than not at all, right? I would also encourage him to pursue school while financial aid and time are on his side.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 2:07 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • What's your company policy? Where is it in writing?
    Borrow some pages from another company's employee handbook (it applies to EVERYONE, not just SS), and put some new practices in place.. There are also safety procedures that he should be following in the workplace. No loose clothing should be one of them. If he doesn't follow the rules, he's fired. Period.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:11 PM on Jul. 29, 2013

  • No he was never forced to be a part of our family business.. He has never one time tried to find another job. He has bounced between Bio moms house and ours for the last 10 years and dad has always givin him a job when he asks.. his mother pays his auto insurance, cell phone, gave him a gas card, stocks him with groceries weekly and even pays his possion tickets! He has no desire to look or find another job.. Hubby and I have both told him several times to go find something that he likes and enjoys doing. he blows us off. He has recently moved into his own apt because I refused to live with him any longer. He is always a week late on rent and wants us to advance pay so he can pay the rent. His dad has always done that or paid it for him.. He gets a weekly check but spends it shopping for new shoes, clothes or skate boards. I have givin him dress code policies employee handbooks ect. They go in the trash. =(
    AmAy81

    Comment by AmAy81 (original poster) at 2:05 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • Bio mom has been diagnosed with bipolar, schizophrenia, multi personality disorter and so on and on and on.. When she found out I was having my 1st baby.. She dropped the kids off on my front step and said bi*** you want to be a mother here you go!! She then tells them to not call or come by the number changed and the locks changed too! Hubby was gone, he worked out of state for weeks at a time. I was 21 and 3000 miles from my home trying to settle in.. Needless to say every step of the way she has been out and out the most vengelful person ever! At her kids expence! If stepson were grounded at my house she would pick him up and take him shopping.. He would come home with 5 to 10 bags from the mall.. Literally every time he got in trouble! So When I tell her Im done with the bull and ready to fire him.. She says well he will have to move back in with me.. I will go get him a flat screen tv for his room!
    AmAy81

    Comment by AmAy81 (original poster) at 2:18 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • My husband really does not want his son to have to move back in with his mother because once he does its her rule that he is to have no contact with us or our 3 kids.. ever.. as long as he is under her roof..? Over the last 10 years Ive pushed really hard for this boy to do the right thing and be the best you can be.. Itsems his mom is always bashng me and my husband just wants to be the boys fiend. I finially got the real truth from the step son.. I asked him yet again to pull up his pants.. He rants and raves about how Im not his mother and to just shut the F*** up already! I reply with have every right to tell him to pull up his drawers as his sep mother and boss.. He looks at me and said( for the 1st time) you are just some stupid ramdom chick my dad picked up from Missouri and you should not look a gift horse in the mouth! Im picking my jaw up and Im like what?? He said well everything I have I bought my self!
    AmAy81

    Comment by AmAy81 (original poster) at 3:05 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN