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4 Bumps

What can we possibly say or do?

My boyfriend had a business partner at a jewelry stor before he opened his own watch repair shop. We just found out last night that the former partner's oldest of two daughters hung herself yesterday. She was 28. We have no idea what we can say or do at a time like this. We want to be there for the partner, who is a friend, but what can we do? The tragedy happened in another state, so he isn't in town now. Should we send flowers? A card--but what could possibly be said in a card about something like this?

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 1:02 PM on Jul. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I found this article and thought it was good advice.   


    Bereaved people really don't grasp what people say during the early stages of grief. They are usually bewildered, in a haze of grief and loss. They are also battling with the questions left unanswered.


     


    The best thing is to say very little but be there for them. Bereaved people like to talk to someone who will listen. Reacting to the death of someone who is a friend can be more about our reaction, our anxiety and inability to grasp the enormity of it as experienced by someone else.


     


    Just say that you are saddened by the persons death and give them a hug. That's all you need to do. If they wish to talk later just be there to listen. Do not counsel, give advise, give reasons or anything else. It is all about the bereaved person, not you!

    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:27 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • Oh how very sad.
    Just how incredibly sorry you are at the loss of his daughter. If you have a special memory of his daughter you could include that and the offer of help if he needs it.
    What a shock this must be for him
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • A card,somewhere along the lines of,"Our hearts go out to you. Our deepest condolences".
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • The actual word don't matter. It's the gesture that you make by reaching out. I cannot fathom how difficult this is for him. Send a card, flowers (if it's done in his tradition, ours doesn't we send food), and just keep reaching out. When things are a little less raw, suggest looking into Compassionate Friends. It's a group for those who have lost a child (in any way at any age and there is no judgement, which is the point of the group.)
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 1:52 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • that is terribly heartbreaking i am sorry for your friends loss as well as the loss your family feels. simple is best normally, you are in our thoughts (and prayers if you pray) we are deeply saddened to hear about your loss.

    then bake a casserole and maybe a sweet and take to them, they are not going to feel like cooking probably
    answersjunkie

    Answer by answersjunkie at 2:05 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • Oh how sad. I can't even imagine it. (don't want to) I know that no matter what words you choose to write or say to him, they can't seem like enough to help someone thru a time like this. There aren't enough "I'm sorry's" or "You have my deepest sympathies" when someone loses a child. But knowing that you are thinking of him & reaching out to him will have meaning.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:36 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • I would say flowers are nice. Yes. thinking about you, prayers... etc. you can say your sorry without saying what you feel sorry for.
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 4:03 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • I've tried writing a couple of notes to that effect, but they just seem so ... futile. I don't know. He's taking it hard because he has been really pushing her lately to grow up and do something with her life. She had two college degrees, but she was just kind of floating along--they were well off so she didn't have to worry about money or anything--and he was trying to get her to put some effort into something. Now he will have to live with that. It just goes to show you money doesn't buy everything.
    Ballad

    Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Jul. 30, 2013