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2 Bumps

How do you get your husband to spend time with you?

My husband and I have been married for five years. It seems like he would rather do anything but spend time with me. He is always off doing his own and there have times when i have tried to get involved in the things he likes so we could spend time together. I have suggested things we can do together and it seems like he is just not interested. He never wants to cuddle on the couch so I do not ask him to anymore and he doesn't like to help me out with things around the house. I have no idea what else I can do to try to get him to spend time with me. It's to the point where it seems like I am begging him. Most of the time he is in living room with me but he is doing his thing and I just end up doing my own thing. Any suggestions would be welcomed. I'm starting to think I'm just not that interesting of a person.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jul. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Did you EVER do anything together,or is this a new behavior?
    Does he treat you like a live-in maid,nanny,and whore?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:56 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • We didn't spend a lot of time with one another but we still had times where we would do things together. I have told him that I feel like his personal Nanny/Maid because I do all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids and he just denied it was true.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:58 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • Been married 41 years and mine looks forward to spending time with me daily, he comes home early from work, or we have lunch regularly...I don't do anything special, I am just me, and he enjoys his time with me. You can't force anyone to do what they do not want to do..if this does not come natural or if it was always this way, you either accept it or get out of the relationship if you are unhappy, but you can't change anyone.....
    older

    Answer by older at 9:00 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • Ugh. I can feel your pain. Maybe you're trying too hard.

    Maybe if you lay off for awhile, he will wonder what happened and wonder why you're playing "hard to get" all of a sudden and it will prick his curiosity and make him want you more.

    Try the stuff you used to when you were dating. A lot of men like the "hunt" while dating, and then after they marry, the hunt is over (so to speak)... perhaps he just needs a little fire under the wood right now. Maybe wear the perfume you wore years ago...try to remember the little things that made him want to spend time with you. Hopefully it will work...
    AubreyRed

    Answer by AubreyRed at 9:06 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • At the very least stop being a maid or mother type to him. If you have another room sleep there. My DH does not do that, at the moment trying to figure out how to get back the time the job takes away.
    by2013

    Answer by by2013 at 9:10 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • If he never saw you as a friend,trying to get him to feel that way now,will be next to impossible. It seems he actually see you as a quasi employee
    i'd suggest counseling,if he'll go for it
    Many guys figure they caught ya,no need to chase anymore
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:12 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • Get a copy of FOR BETTER OR FOR BEST by Gary Smalley. It is a very helpful book.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:35 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • Have you tried getting naked?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:39 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • You have to understand men are not like women. I have been with my DH for 24 years. I am happy just being in the same room with him.
    But I am not a huggy, kissy type person.
    IMO when the kids are young. It is hard to get time alone.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

  • What drew the two of yo together? Where did you meet? What did you like to do when you were dating? Think about the answers to those questions and maybe an idea for something you could do will come to mind.

    Also, try telling him again that you feel like a nanny and maid, but in a way that won't allow him to deny it. He can't deny how you feel. He can argue facts, but not feelings.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:09 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

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