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Still in love with the ex 5 years later

Moved on with my life but it will never be the same.
Its not meant to be but I wish it was.
It was unhealthy in some ways.
But then why did I love him so much?
I feel I will never love someone that much again.
Its painful, I've partially healed. I've gone to counseling, Ive ready books, Ive journaled, Ive met others, started a family...
but there's still a gaping hole knowing I cannot love that person anymore. I have to get over it and I cannot. I have been living without him, that parts not hard.
The hard part is knowing he doesnt love me as much back which is why it didnt work out.
The sex was so good. He even said I was the best he ever had. We were together off and on 6 years. If it was meant to be how much longer do I have to wait? 5 years seems pretty long...is there no chance in hell?
why do I want it so bad, what does he have that no one else can offer?
He's even selfish..and has so many bad qualities, we even had trust issues. All reasons why we broke up. Im in a healthier relationship now..
but its just not the same.
I love the one im with, however my heart is shattered into pieces and never really mended, so the whole heart is not able to love, just parts
How do I mend this broken heart after so many years?
Will I ever fall that madly in love again?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I'm not sure you'll ever completely get over your ex, especially if he was your first love like mine was. I still love my ex twelve years after we split up. I always will love him. We couldn't be together. I know why, and I have another relationship and a family now. It's all for the best. But I gave that man a piece of my heart that I can't take back. I made a vow to love him till the day I died, and I'll at least keep that part of the vow even if we couldn't stay married. It's just one of the risks you take by living life and loving other people. It's sort of like that ache from an old sports injury, the one you know well and work around.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • Sounds like you are in love with the fantasy of being in love with someone you can't have. There are ways to overcome it, but the first step is that you have to want to be over him badly enough to put him out of your head. I don't think you are there yet. It doesn't sound like he was a very good person either, yet you are still pining for him. You can start by concentrating more on what you do have rather than what you never had to begin with.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:19 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • all these questions can't be answered all in one day. it takes time to sort these feelings out, did you leave him? did he leave you? You never forget your first love or crush. And things can be so good sometimes but they end for a reason. I'm not sure of the whole situation of why you guys ended up being ex's but generally it depends on what you may still have for eachother. Get together and see where it goes. good luck!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 3:04 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • You have gone on and started a family when you are not over the ex? That does not sound too healthy to me.
    I do not have all the answers but this sounds more like an addiction than love. It also sounds likea fantasy that you hold on to.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:13 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • We left each other, it was just obvious how unhealthy it was. He loved me he did, what did I do to fuck that up, probably a lot of things. He cheated on me so I married someone else. I divorced and got back with that damn ex again. Bad idea. I just always go back to him because even though I know he's NOT GOOD for me (ie he flirts with every woman he sees, he denied we were ever together to others, he neglected me, he felt he was using me for sex at the end, etc)
    I still go back
    But now I am done. I am done done done and I promised myself I would never go back.
    I cant even be friends with him because I just might fall head over fucking heels
    Yea it takes time to sort these things out, but COME ON how much longer do I have to wait!
    I honestly think I will love him the most as long as I live :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Jul. 31, 2013

  • Oh I highly agree that I was addicted to him, which is different than love, but I also did love him and still do.
    I am a love addict it is true. I've been wanting to be over him badly enough for quit some time now. Ive been through the denial process, the whole 12 stages of grief and back again several several times.
    Focus on what I do have. It's what do everyday.
    And tell God to stay close to me, please because I need God in my life
    I ask for strength and love and hope
    It has come
    I have friends
    I have family
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Jul. 31, 2013