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3 Bumps

My son is getting in trouble at daycare.

I don't know what to do with him. He is very aggressive at home and now at daycare. He will be 3 in Sept and has a 5 year old brother. The two of them fight alot...alot of hitting with toys. They also want him potty trained asap.

I am not sure how to go about teaching him to be less aggressive. Some calm role play at home? Splitting the two of them up whenever either one hits?

I don't think he is ready to be potty trained, but the head daycare lady is pretty insistent and I get the " just do it" look from her.

Any suggestions?

Answer Question

Asked by AngZacc at 3:57 PM on Aug. 1, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 14 (1,515 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Do you need the daycare because you work? If not then I'd say he is too young & try Preschool at 4 years old. Have you spoken to his Pediatrician about his behavior? Maybe it's his diet? Food dyes make my Son wacky in fruit drinks, snacks & some foods. After you get him checked, adjust his diet etc., if his behavior is still the same & he HAS to go to daycare then I'd find another that is willing to work with his behavioral issues. GL!

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:02 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • Everytime they hit one another, put them in time out, and stick to it. Have you tried to get him interested in the potty? Have you had older brother show him what to do? Maybe a more private at home daycare would be better for him?

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 4:12 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • Thanks. Yes, I do work. And this is one of only 2 daycares in my little town. And I have heard much worse things about the other one. We have been here almost a year now. The issue with potty training is that they want him to move up a room and that teacher doesn't like to deal with diapers.

    I am not sure what is up with the behavior. I don't give him much fruit drinks at home. Not sure what he really eats at school. I will ask the school about it.

    Comment by AngZacc (original poster) at 4:14 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • What do you do at home when they fight and hit?
    Are you even trying to potty train him?

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:15 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • I have introduced the potty. Big brother shows him all the time. We even live out in the woods so he can pee on rocks, trees, grass, etc., but he whines whenever I mention going potty. Then he says I will try later.

    Comment by AngZacc (original poster) at 4:15 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • Most of the time I ignore the fighting b/c I figured it was a brotherly thing. But I guess I will have to get much tougher on the being nice and respecting each other.

    Comment by AngZacc (original poster) at 4:17 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • One thing you might try when it comes to the fighting is to have the boys stop what they're doing as soon as an argument starts, look at each other, and each say one nice thing about his brother before they can go back to playing. Even if all they say at three and five is "I like you" or "You're nice", it ends the argument on a positive note instead of with a punishment. I've seen those positive interactions gradually build up to a change from aggressiveness to cooperation. It will be a lot of time-consuming work for the first little while, but the payoff will be great.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:50 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • Yes siblings do fight but hitting is never a good idea. I do think you need to step in on the fighting especially since it carries over into the daycare. One rule should be if one hits the other with a toy (or something else) you say, the truck is not for hitting it is for playing. Since you are not big enough to know how to play with the toy , you may not have it and take it away from the area for a good long time
    I am getting the idea you are a single mother, am I correct?
    Do you have an adult male figure that is close to you? Trusted?
    My son learned to use the potty because daddy showed him (your son has done that) and then encouraged him to target practice. Float cheerios in the potty and sink them
    It never hurts to talk things over with the doctor at their next appointment if things haven't improved. But ask to speak with him outside of the boys presence

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:53 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • To address the aggression try to support him (them) so he learns what TO do when he's frustrated or angry (since conflict is unavoidable, and so are strong feelings!) Kids need guidance through those times.
    It is super-important to respond & intercede when anyone is being hurt, hit with toys, or ANY time someone's personal limits are being violated. You don't have to be punitive when you respond, but kids do need guidance & support.
    Think in terms of modeling the desired behavior in your response. Many times the way parents respond to problem behaviors unintentionally undermines their long-term goals & reinforces aggression.
    The first thing is to recognize that the hitting is happening for a reason. Then, "connect before correct." You connect by showing understanding for why it happened when you respond. Show that you see/understand: they were hitting for this reason. Point out that hitting hurts & tell him what to do INSTEAD.

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:48 PM on Aug. 1, 2013

  • Thanks ladies. I am trying to address the hitting and aggression at home. I think some if it is coming from big brother. When he gets frustrated with his little brother he lashes out. So that is what both had learned to do. I am now sitting them in time out and then we role play how to better handle their frustrations.

    I am not a single mom. Dad does show him how to pee too. Maybe I will try the cheerios with him. I don't want to push though, b/c I know that sometimes makes things worse.

    Comment by AngZacc (original poster) at 9:28 AM on Aug. 5, 2013

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