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2 Bumps

What to do with a High Strung Child...

I swear there is something not right with him. The ped says it is just parenting. That I am just not disciplining him right but I have read every parenting book anyone has ever suggested to me and nothing it talks about sounds like my child and the suggestions don't seem to help. The school says psychologist says it is ADHD but the ped won't even consider medicating that until he is 8 and says the shcool is wrong anyway. She insist he is just hard headed and I am not parenting him right. I want to get a second opinion but it would have to be out of pocket since the ped won't refer us. Do you think I need to? Here is what concerns me: He is 6 years old and was in Kindergarten last year. He will be repeating it this year. They said he is just lazy. He refuses to use scissors or write. He says that it hurts his hands but they said he is just stubborn but he seem legitimately distressed when you ask him to write more than just his name or to cut things. Also I am concerned because he just seems so high strung. Everything seems to annoy him. He hates it when people sing- he says it hurts his ears. He hates to hear people eating if he is not also eating. Like if his dad is eating chips in the chair he freaks out because he can hear him crunching and it is annoying. He gets upset if I run out of his favorite cereal or if I change dinner plans. Like if I say we are going to have spaghetti but I realize I am out of noodles so I decide to make chicken instead he refuses to eat. I also find it weird that he doesn't like to go to the park to play. Maybe that is just how he is though. But if I suggest going to the park to play he has a fit that he wants to stay home. He ALWAYS wants to stay home. I could suggest going to get ice cream and he would want to stay home. You have to fight him into the car but once he gets there he is fine most times other times he will continue to make a HUGE scene even after we get there wanting to go back home.

Anyway. Is the ped right? Is it me? Is he just stubborn? Is the school right? Is it ADHD?Or should I get a second opinion...? If it is me what can I do? I feel like I have tried so much already.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Aug. 3, 2013 in Special Needs

Answers (14)
  • Pay for the second opinion. Next week. I think this is very important for you to do.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 5:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • Hopefully some moms on here have suggestions. At very least, I'd get another ped to look at/evaluate him. Also, listen to your gut.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:53 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • I agree with a second opinion.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 5:54 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • my child's first ped,
    head banging normal
    speech delay normal
    lack of eye contact normal
    seeing through people as if they were not there normal
    her odd sounds normal
    said she was just quirky

    got 2nd opinion
    daughter dx with autism

    if you got a plumber, maid, hair stylist, etc, that you just thought was no good- you would fire them
    same goes for doctors


    Answer by fiatpax at 6:10 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • I agree with Paxy. The kid sounds like he's on the autism spectrum
    He needs to be evaluated by a developmental pediatrician

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:23 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • I looked up Autism because a friend said the same thing but he talks really well and makes eye contact. Those seemed to be the biggest red flags. He certainly seems to have some of the other ones though. Is it possible for him to have Autism if he has eye contact and has normal speech?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:27 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • I don't think it's very helpful to blame parenting, and I would not "blame" your parenting, but I would lean more with the ped than the school. Your perception of his genuine distress & his sensitivities makes more sense than "just stubborn." Children do what they do for a reason! That doesn't mean it's conscious. But even when it's a power struggle, it's not "just" about "trying to control you." It's a reaction to FEELING controlled (over-controlled) and reacting defensively. When kids get sensitized in that area, then everything will be a battle, even to the point of ignoring their own best interests (like hunger or wanting to be close/please you.) But it's not just "bad behavior" or some desire to "have control." It's a reaction, and furthermore it's FOR themselves (not "against" us.) That's an example, but it's why I think it's highly off-mark to dismiss frustrating behavior as "just" stubbornness or laziness.

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:29 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • That said, I don't think your ped has been actually helpful at all! lol (To say the least.)
    I do think there is help. I will give you a book suggestion & you can see if it's one you've read that didn't describe your child, lol.
    I know my doctor always gave her feedback & opinion when we were discussing any concerns or questions together, and she'd say she didn't see a need for a specific intervention (like a speech evaluation) and would explain why, but she ALWAYS was quick to add that I was free to REQUEST an evaluation anytime, and that I should if I wanted to.
    I think a good doc is responsive to your frustrations or misgivings (even if he believes there is no organic problem.)
    Beyond that, it sounds like your child could use a lot of support & many times mainstream parenting approaches aren't helpful (and cause problems for) kids who are rigid or inflexible & highly stressed. Check out "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene.

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:31 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • Or aspergers syndrome or he could be a genius like Sheldon on the big bang theory. This doesn't mean something is wrong it's just different try to avoid meds and look into diet changes while you wait for professionals to do whatever they do

    Answer by pinkparcel at 6:34 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

  • It's The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding & Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children - by Ross W. Greene, PhD

    You could also look into some info on "the highly sensitive child" (but Greene does cover those issues)
    I like his approach because he really identifies what common parental approaches tend to ratchet up the tension & anxiety in kids, and these behaviors already do reflect anxiety (thus, a stress response.) The fight-freeze-flight response IS a stress response. Trying to impose consequences (in order to influence behavior) with an already stressed child tends to escalate things.
    Anyway, I imagine the book could be very helpful.
    Some general parenting titles (not special needs) that help a lot with HOW to respond at those times that he's freaking out over someone eating chips (etc.) are "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" and "Parent Effectiveness Training."

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:36 PM on Aug. 3, 2013

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