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Can our family ever be together again?

I had given a previous post about my sister didn't want to do my mother's funeral as she wanted it to be... you can look at my questions for further information.

Anyway... it has been nine months since my mother passed away and I thought I would give an update.

The day of the funeral for my mother was a very tense one indeed. You could just feel the tension in the room at the funeral home. You could have cut it with a knife. Very little was said between me and my sister... that was the sad part. I was talked about to my other family members by my sister (not surprised). I really think a part of me expected that. I will never forget it. My sister barely spoke to me, her husband was very nice. Her daughter.. she didn't even speak to me. That's okay, I'm over that now.
I was left to clean out my mother's house by myself and nobody to help go through all that stuff. A friend of my mother's helped me through my feeling that I had with my sister, and I will be forever grateful to her. My sister made another trip to tell me what else she wanted out of the house.She couldn't take it all at one time. She wanted the material things and I wanted the things that were associated with the memories thought the years. That's just me. My mother told me before she died that she wanted me to have the centerpiece that was on the dining room table that my father had given her for the 27th wedding anniversary the year before he died. I took it... I heard, "you mean to tell me that you wanted that ugly thing?" If this was how she felt about it, why did she want it so bad? My sister literally took the dining room table that was sitting in her house without my mother's permission. She was so angry about that. I will never forget it. I got it put up for now, I know that I have something my dad had given her.
I have seen her four times since the funeral. Twice to get stuff from the house, once for my birthday and one time she was passing through and she stopped by and took me to lunch. The circumstances around that were weird in my opinion, she didn't elaborate on that one. That was in April. It's now August and she never calls me. She won't answer my calls or texts. Of course I told my mother long before she died that when something happened to her that the family would fall apart. I know how bad that sounds.But I wasn't wrong. Me and my daughter both knew it would happen.
My aunt tells me I did nothing wrong, but the rest of the family feels differently. So why do I feel so bad? It hurts when you own family turns against you because of something other family members did. I'm not going into details, just fact that my son took some things out of her house and I didn't know about it. He was over the age of 18 and I was not responsible for his actions. I taught him better than that. I feel bad about it, don't get me wrong. I didn't know until it was too late. I wish I could change things, but I can't. Police reports were filed and that is all I can do.
Do you think our family will ever be together again, I don't. I think it is beyond repair. I feel I did nothing wrong and my sister blames everything on me. Some things just don't change. I don't think she will either. She told me once that she holds onto grudges. I don't. Life's too short to hold grudges about everything. It only takes away happiness from within. What do you think?

 
amessageofhope

Asked by amessageofhope at 2:00 AM on Aug. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Level 23 (17,397 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Sometimes the people who are our family are not the people we share out genes with. The person who I think of as my sister is a friend I have had for decades. My actual sisters are not really in my life. It is hard to let go of what you thought were family, but I know I am happier. I just let go. I didn't make a big deal of it. I just chose not to communicate. And I filled my life with friends, school, and my family.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 5:03 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. Families are sometimes only forced to love each other, it doesn't always come easily. I hope they come around.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:07 AM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • I'm sorry, too. As someone whose family has pretty much broken, I know how much it hurts. I hope you have other people in your life who support you. Sometimes you have to make your own family when the ones related to you by birth and blood fail you.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:12 AM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • Hugs sweetie. I hope you can find peace.
    PandaGwen

    Answer by PandaGwen at 9:56 AM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • Wow, you've been gone a long time!

    I'm sorry for what you're going through but you won't be able to change her or the past. Sometimes it's just best to move on and hold on to the wonderful memories you have from your mom.
    Unfortunately we can't control the feelings of others, just our own.
    Enjoy your life and maybe one day your sister will come to terms with her feelings and make amends.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 2:19 AM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • To be honest, no. I don't think your family will be together again, unless your sister changes drastically.

    Remember that those who MATTER know the truth of things. The rest? They're not important.

    Move on with your life. Let your sister move on with hers. Our siblings are not necessarily people we would choose to associate with.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:24 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • Let the sister go and be who she is. I do not quite understand this being able to come back and get other things. In most circumstances It is settled fairly soon after the funeral and then unwanted this a donated or sold. So one that point I would no longe put up with her acquiring more "things"
    You can write her a letter and tell her how you feel about all the things that have occurred and put the ball in her court and then drop it.
    The family member in town that listened to her bad mouthing you will either continue to see for themselves or not.
    I personally would go on with my life and enjoy the family who wish to enjoy mine and be cordial when meeting any of the others.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:47 PM on Aug. 4, 2013