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Does anyone go through times where they feel like a total failure as a parent?

I am at a loss for words with my son and all I want to do is cry....there are times he seems like the sweetest kid in the world and then there are times he seems so angry and just takes it out on everyone, mainly with his words. Especially with me. I had someone tell me I need to relate to him, but I don't know how or even begin to relate to him. If anyone has any advice that is not bashing, because I really don't NEED that right now it would be great. Oh he just turned 9 and talks like a teenager.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Aug. 4, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Have you consulted a pediatrician or considered family counseling to help get headed int eh right direction?
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:52 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • I think 9 is a particularly hard age. They are really realizing themselves as people and not as little babies. They are no longer easily led.
    It is a hard and wonderful age, IMO. I have no idea what you situation is or homelife or what causes his blow ups. So I have no advice except that everyone feels this way sometimes as a parent , if they are honest. You simply know you are not doing anything right at all. Most likely it isn't true but you feel that way.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:59 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • Every parent feels that way. Even if they don't admit it, to themselves or others.

    This is the age where they start to get more challenging to parent. Read up, educate yourself on what you can expect, look for alternate parenting methods that will help you both with the transition.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 5:02 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • You need help to discover the root of his anger and why he directs it toward you. This needs to be taken care of before he reaches the teen years or your life is going to become really miserable.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:23 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • I would want to know why he's angry & give him alternative tools to deal with his anger. Treating you with disrespect is never an option that should ever be tolerated. Nip it now mama.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:39 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • In addition to finding out where his anger is coming from, which will be crucial, remember that it's okay and even good to let him know how much it hurts you when he directs harsh or insensitive words at you. Also, what is he into? Educate yourself about his hobbies, even if you have no interest in them, and try to relate using what captivates him. That might bring him out more in a positive way.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 6:01 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • Yes, I've felt that way!

    But it sounds like parenting/relating is a real struggle for you right now (in general) and that would lead to feeling that way often. Which is hard.

    I can suggest a couple of books that are really easy to find (in print for many years, and in many public library collections. Also available for sale, lol, so easy to find at amazon, etc.) "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" could be a big help. It's been awhile since I looked at it, but I think the first few pages lay out the many ways that our routine/automatic communication can unintentionally dismiss kids, deny their actual experience, and invalidate them. All of this generates frustration & anger in them, and triggers resistance. (Really, it's counter-resistance. They're reacting to our initial inadvertent resistance.)
    The other book is Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon. It's the same but more comprehensive.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:40 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • Dirty little secret:

    EVERY parent feels they've failed at one point or another! Those who say no just haven't gotten there yet (even if their kids are adults).

    Do you know WHY he's angry?
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:37 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

  • He says it is because I say no to him a lot. However I feel his temper is totally un-called for, just because I tell him no. Communication is HUGE, because I recently decided that we just don't communicate as well as I thought we did. And we have started going to counseling. I think right now I am just really discouraged because today has been so rough for the whole family.  I am totally going to check out that book.  There are some parenting classes that my husband and I are getting ready to take as well.  Thanks for all the help and advice.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:16 PM on Aug. 4, 2013

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