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I had asked a question a few days ago about the difference in how my children are treated to how my step daughter is treated, got some good answers, but I love my husband and my kids are my world, they were here before him and I dont want them to hate me over this, somedays I feel like it will all work out but then theirs days where I feel like telling him bye over it, and I honestly say I treat her good, I am always buying her stuff when she is with us or not, always trying to make plans where she can be there, so on and so fourth, but I have a incident where she was sick and she was taken medicine and she spit it all over my bed room floor, she is 9 years old, so she knows better. Nothing was said, but when my daughter was sick, she didnt want to swallow it she tried to spit it out , then he spanked her for it. Also, he buys his ex wife a hundred dollar gift for christmas, when we are only suppose to spend 20 bucks ...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I don't htink he should be buying his ex anythig for Christmas. If he's doing it for his daughter, can't she just make her mom a card like half the kids in America?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Why would he be buying his EX a gift at all? I don't get that. Your DD should have known better then to spit medicne up like that. He shouldn't have spanked her though. I would have made her clean it up instead.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 6:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Unfortunately as the second wife/ stepmother, you really don't have any power over it. If he spanked your daughter and she is not also his daughter, you need to put your foot down. He should not be disciplining your children. If this is a child you created together, then you are going to have to trust him since you trusted him enough to create life with him in the first place. If he is abusing your child, you need to protect her. I agree that he should not be buying his ex Christmas gifts, but if you try to interfere or throw a fit, it's going to backfire. You should totally stay out of that relationship all together. This is what happens when families blend like this. The kids the two of you created together need you to stay married for their own stability. Put on a happy face and be nice. It will get good results.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 6:26 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Don't let him discipline your child!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I would talk to him about buying the gift for his ex. That does have to do with you. Also its your job to protect your daughter. If you disagree with him spanking her then definately stand up and say something and I agree spanking is to much for spitting medicine exspecially if she is sick. If my husband did anything I didnt agree with to our kids I definately let him know and have. Our realationship has strengthened because Ive stood up and said something. Its called communication and if he is not adult enough to have a descussion with you without throwing a fit he is not adult enough to have a realationship. Also if the stepdaughter did this in your house you do have some say in it. My neices like to try to draw on my walls and if they dont liston I put them in time out. He is supposed to be your best friend and an adult. If he is trust him to be so and communicate. Nothings going to get better if you hold your breath.

    Answer by rena_goldmoon at 8:02 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • That's not right at all. He needs to treat your daughter the same as his own daughter. And he can't expect you to treat his daughter better than your own. As far as the ex-wife - HELL NO! I'd throw a fit if my husband tried to buy his ex-wife ANYTHING for Christmas. Sorry if you don't agree with this, but you need to come first to him and he to you. And if he's buying you a $20 Christmas gift and his ex a $100 gift, you have a problem.

    Answer by feesharose at 8:24 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I agree with the previous poster.

    Answer by rena_goldmoon at 8:46 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Have you guys sought any family counseling to help with blending the families? While I agree that he should not have spanked your daughter AND kept his reaction the same for both girls, I also think if you are allowing him to be the father figure in your life and raise her with you then he has a right to discipline her.

    Answer by Crazy-Steph at 10:19 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

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