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7 Bumps

Why am I having such a hard time with this?? For those of u that have gone thru this can I have some support or advice?

So long story short back in march my husband cheated on me and the affair had gone on for months...he tried to kill himself and went into therapy...well after him telling me and I believed him, 3 weeks ago that same girl flew to Indiana where he's training for a new job, and they slept together again more than once! I had my mind made up to get a divorce atty and then remembered I heard u shouldn't get a divorce until your head is straight...well we've been together almost 15 yrs and married for 9 and have 2 little girls...I think cheaters are the scum of the earth and here I find myself questioning whether or not I can and should forgive him again!! What is my problem?? Where is my strength?? I feel lost because I know what I should do but just can't!!

Answer Question
 
calliesmommie

Asked by calliesmommie at 10:00 AM on Aug. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,987 Credits)
Answers (36)
  • Consider the example you are setting for your girls and leave. Don't let him try to con you into staying by threatening suicide. You're in an emotionally abusive relationship (manipulation) and he is taking advantage of it.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:02 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • *after him telling me that he made a huge mistake and it would never happen again**
    calliesmommie

    Comment by calliesmommie (original poster) at 10:03 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Kristi that's all I keep thinking about is my girls! Is it possible that I have been so beaten down that my self esteem and confidence is just gone? I'm not this type of person!!
    calliesmommie

    Comment by calliesmommie (original poster) at 10:04 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • I don't think I could have stayed after the first affair. I would leave.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 10:07 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • The whole "don't get divorced until your head is straight" is not saying you shouldn't get a divorce. It is saying don't react emotionally (and say slit his car tires or throw all his crap on the lawn and light it in fire), but rather proactively. Go to a divorce attorney and start the paper work. Meanwhile start making plans for one of you to move out. Either you and the kids or him.(In your case it'll probably be easier if you pack up the kids and stay with a friend or family member unless he's been staying elsewhere most nights). Everything from then on out gets routed through your attorney.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:07 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Is not easy but you have to think what is best for you and your girls. If he was really sorry of what happen he would have stop immediately after getting caught and will do everything possible to prove you that he has change and he want to work on the marriage. But instead he goes and cheat again to me that means he is not really sorry and has no plans to change either. Its your decision but he is showing you that he don't really care much about you or the family just about him and what he wants in the moment. Good luck and hugs.

    Alisim

    Answer by Alisim at 10:11 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Luckily he hasn't been staying at home for almost half a year...he's training for a job right now that was going to move us to Houston til I found out about this...before that we were separated after the first affair and he was staying at hotels and with a friend...the whole time he was supposedly seeing her :( while we were "working it out"
    calliesmommie

    Comment by calliesmommie (original poster) at 10:13 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • .the whole time he was supposedly seeing her :( while we were "working it out"


     


    hugs

    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 10:14 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • I think you know what needs to be done. You deserve so much more. And how could you ever trust him again? I'm so sorry you're going through this. :(
    BeaverHouse

    Answer by BeaverHouse at 10:18 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Well the good news is that you should get the go ahead to change the locks and have him come over with a police escort to pick up his stuff from the house....however you need to file the divorce paper work first and have it cleared with the attorney.
    For more questions visit your local states laws...You're in Texas right?
    http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=200&state_code=TX
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:20 AM on Aug. 6, 2013

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