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5 Bumps

Is this normal, or am I losing it as a mom?

I feel left out of our sons lives now that they are grown. I don't want to burden them with my sadness, but I don't feel like they value me anymore:( I'm depressed and anxious when they don't answer my calls.  I miss them so much, I miss having them around.  I keep wondering if I ultimately wasn't a good mom:(

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3nanamo

Asked by 3nanamo at 11:59 AM on Aug. 6, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • How often are you calling them?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:05 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • It is somewhat normal......how could they not value you? you nurtured them for most of their lives didn't you? it is the cycle of life mom, but you can still keep in touch, this is what I do!
    older

    Answer by older at 12:10 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Think back, how much did you contact your mom at their age???? Did you still love her? I can get all blue if my kids are away for their birthday or something until I remember I didn't spend my 21st bday ( or whatever) with my mom, and I was perfectly ok, and I loved her very much. It's all part of growing up
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:14 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • The empty nest thing is hard on a lot of moms. Try to remember what it was like when you had your 1st taste of freedom. And try to remember, no matter how old we are, we will always need our moms. *hugs*
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:14 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • You did the best that you could as a Mother. Hopefully they will be in touch soon.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:14 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • I'm guessing they're independent, on their own, etc.? If they're living their lives, and are good people, and you had a hand in that, then I say you should be proud of them, and yourself.

    Hang in there Mom, they'll come back to you when the time is right. Maybe your next message should be, "I'm proud of you, and realize you're busy, so when it's good for you, give me a call, or stop by sometime"...
    Hope you're feeling better about yourself, and get to see them soon..
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:32 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • I can imagine how you would feel lonely and miss having your sons around after all the years you spent raising them. That makes sense. But don't start doubting yourself as a mother just because your boys are out spreading their wings and you have the blues. Those dots don't connect.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:42 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • I don't have grown kids yet, but I remember not talking to my mom as much when I was in my late teens/early 20s - I didn't think about how much she needed me! But once I married and had kids I started talking to her every day, at least once!
    Do they live close? Plan some family cookouts or a reason for them to come visit. I bet they will eventually come back around, just give them some space and time.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:52 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Hard to say without some definitions. How often are you calling them?

    Them calling you or not does not make you a good mom or a bad mom. Are they law-abiding productive healthy citizens? If so, you're a good mom and you can cross that off your list of anxieties PERMANENTLY. All we're required is to produce law-abiding productive healthy citizens. Now, if you have sons who rob banks or beat women and children then you screwed up. If your sons were healthy when you turned them loose on the world but then became UNhealthy through their own bad choices, you're off the hook.

    So no more of this bad mom talk.

    As to the loneliness, hard to say from what you're written. But we make our own happiness and should never be dependent upon others to make it for us. Get busy, mom! If you can drive, then get in the car and start driving places. Museums, libraries, church groups, whatever interests you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:57 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

  • Do you call them? If not, why not? They might be wondering the same thing in reverse.

    If you do call them, how are they on the phone? If you keep catching them at an inconvenient time, maybe set a a set time each week. Or even have dinner at your house once a month to catch up.
    ChasingBridges

    Answer by ChasingBridges at 2:19 PM on Aug. 6, 2013

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