Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do u think?

my dh has a child with another woman. the woman never comes to my home-she is not welcome here. he cheated(I dont know if I should call it that since we were young teenagers and had a lot 2 learn) the first year in our relationship yrs. before we actually got married. i was prego she got prego and our kids are 4 mts apart. 2 make a long story short his daughter comes over and spends time with us but we do not go 2 any events her mother has(she never does anyway) we keep ourselves separate. get her for holidays and things like that. he also pays support faithfully. i dont pretend this is 1 big happy tv family. i will never assocaite with this woman. she is a 30+yr old hairwasher with 3 kids and 3 dads. lives with her mom. he screwed up and believe me he has reaped what he sowed. ? is-do you think this will affect the daughter in anyway at all. do u think she may be better of living with us and how hard of a fight would it be?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i forgot to mention the mother has also been to jail at least twice that I am positive about. Im sure there have been more times then this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • You still sound pretty young 2 me.................................................


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Yes, it is going to affect his daughter. It is extremely detrimental to a child to be in this situation. I would do what I could to at least pretend like you like her mom and never show disapproval because she will automatically take her mother's side no matter how great you are or how crappy her mom is. I would read some good books about step parenting.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 6:13 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I guess the question is how stable her home life is? Does your step-daughter suffer in any way? Does she have a roof over her head, food on the table, someone at home to take care of her (whether that be her mother or her grandmother)? Ultimately, that is what the courts will look at. If she goes to jail again, that would be the best time to petition the courts for custody. Have you guys approached the issue with her (being the mother) or has your step-daughter mentioned living with you? How do you feel about having this girl in your home and then you will REALLY have to deal with her mother? There's lots to consider here!

    Answer by Samanthasmom210 at 6:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • unless the mother is harming her child or not taking care of her child you will not be able to take custody of the daughter. Just because you and the BM don't get a long is not a reason to try and take full custody. Suck it up, put on a happy face and do what is best for your step daughter.

    Answer by ZaTa at 6:19 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Im actually 27. Yes I think that would still be considered young. As for this situation it occured 10 years ago. The other mother and I are formal. Hello and things of that nature. We arrange pick ups and drop offs and discuss school events but in no way do I try to have her over my house for dinner. I wouldnt feel comfortable with that and my husband would not want her here neither. We started our relationship very young and have both made mistakes. Unfortantly something permanent came from one of his which is something we have dealt with and moved on from. Some things have started to occur more often that we are hearing about and are thinking maybe it will be better for her to come live with us.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Unless her mom is a prostiture, drug dealer or has the child around bad people then why would you want to remove the child from her mother? I think you need to butt out. Custody disputes are costly and in the end you dont come out better for it. NO ONE WINS! If the child is old enough (in most states 12) then ask her where she wants to live. Otherwise please dont disrupt this childs life because you dont agree with the way her mom lives her life. Its none of your business.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • well thats the point. there have been problems for years. we are hearing things are getting worse and talked about it the other night. I did not have my mother growing up so I am reluctant about someone not being able to live with their natural mother. I think the only acceptable reason for a mother to not have her children is if she is sick or dead. Just my opinion. I did not say I do not get along with her. I do not associate with her. SHe is not someone I would associate with even if this were not the situation. My husband has discussed this before and his daughter has told hims he wants to live with us several times. We do not comment or play into those comments because we dont want her to know we even think it is coming to a point where she may need to. I dont want to bash her mother or sound like I am but there are a lot of things going on that have caused dh and i to really consider this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Tread carefully here. Unless she's neglecting the child, or abusing ........... any action you take would probably get shot down by a judge. I'd consult an attorney. Hold your head up high. Don't look down your nose at her. Everyone makes mistakes. We even learn from them. Good for hubby that he's paying his child support faithfully. He should. Let the kids play together, but not necessarily know their "relation" to eachother until they're older, and wiser. More mature.

    Answer by BetsyAD at 6:31 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • because this is a place where I come to talk to other mothers I feel comfortable asking your opinions here. Again let me explain in no way am I this miserable other baby mom who hates this other baby mom and wants to take her kid. No wrong person. I personally dont want the responsible of another child. If that were the case I would and could have another(my husband actually wants to). Remember this child is not a baby. If that were the case we would of went through this years ago. The problem is things are becoming worse with her mothers situation. ? is how long do you wait before you intervene. Her mother was in jail for some time when she was 1 years old and my husband and I took her as we should. No harsh feeling or words. We just acted as if she was on vacation. When she came home she went back home with her mom. She is too young to remember that and thats great but the fact that it is still occuring now is sad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
KY hers and mine.