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Need a few opinions...is this to harsh or would you add something more?

I am responding to a 'fake' report on another victim of gun violence for a class

When are we as a society gonna start fighting back? How many more kids have to die before we start? Do not blame law enforcement, or lack thereof. They can only do so much. The police need our help too. See something, say something. Don't say anything, you are just as much to blame as the person who committed the crime Stop worrying about being labeled a snitch. After you report it, keep your mouth shut, then who will know?

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Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:55 PM on Aug. 6, 2013 in Just for Fun

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I think encouraging people to get involved if they see something suspicious or troubling is a good idea. I've never had to deal with gun violence, thank God, but the abusive incidents from my childhood that I've had the hardest time getting over are the ones that happened right where God and everybody could see, and no one called the police or said a word to me. Once when I was about eight I gave my mom some lip in the car on a long road trip, and she put me out on the edge of the highway in the middle of nowhere and left. I don't know how far she went because I couldn't see the car, so she might have kept me in sight, but in my world, I was alone. She came and got me eventually. Nobody driving on that highway stopped. Another time she said she didn't want to be my mom anymore and put me out on the snowy driveway in the cold with no coat, shoes, gloves, or hat. I stood out there for over two hours. (cont.)
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:05 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • OMFG Ballad! You mom was a class A bitch! How can a mom do that to her own child!! Did anything happen with your mom like a CPS visit or anything?
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 12:12 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • I was afraid to go back in the house, and I couldn't take off anywhere else because I had no white cane and I couldn't see, or walk on the snow and ice. By the time my mom took me inside--she didn't dare leave me out there till my dad got home--I fell down repeatedly when I tried to walk because I couldn't feel my feet on the ground at all. I sustained frostbite in my feet that bothers me to this day. Not one neighbor called the police. Not one person came out of a house or stopped while driving down the street. I know people were around because I heard the woman next door come out and call her cats in. But nobody wanted to risk getting involved. The lesson I learned was that society didn't give a damn. It's been hard to get over because the message I got was that I wasn't even worth the concern of strangers and passersby, much less my own family.

    Sorry for the tangent. (cont., just one more I swear)
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:13 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • As long as our society has the collective mentality of not wanting to get involved, none of the ills that plague us, from gun crime to child abuse, will go away. Until every person can truly know that others are looking out for him or her, and willing to intervene when needed, no one is safe.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:15 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • Since this is a college course?
    Is there a particular reason you are avoiding standard grammar rules?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:21 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • Did anything happen with your mom like a CPS visit or anything?

    There was one CPS visit when I was in fifth grade. I went to school with a big knot on my forehead, and I was fed up with hiding the truth. Since I was blind, it was easy to lie about injuries and have people always believe that I bumped into something. So I ratted on my mom. But my mom was a community leader--hospital and food bank volunteer, Helping Hand for kids who walked home from school, involved with Scouts and police athletics, you name it. So CPS didn't really want to mess with her, and she talked me into retracting my story because I didn't want my brother and sister to be split up and put in foster homes like she said they would be. The CPS worker said if I recanted, I could never expect help from the agency again, and with much relief, she closed the case. There was no further investigation after I told her my original story was a lie.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:24 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • Is there a particular reason you are avoiding standard grammar rules?

    When are we as a society gonna start fighting back? How many more kids have to die before we start? Do not blame law enforcement, or lack thereof. They can only do so much. The police need our help too. See something, say something. Don't say anything, you are just as much to blame as the person who committed the crime Stop worrying about being labeled a snitch. After you report it, keep your mouth shut, then who will know?

    When will we as a society start fighting back? How many more kids have to die before we start? Do not blame law enforcement, or lack thereof. The police can only do so much. They need our help, too. See something, say something. If you don't say anything, you are just as much to blame as the person who committed the crime. Stop worrying about being labeled a snitch. After you report what you see, keep quiet and no one will know.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:30 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • feralxat...its for a creative writing class. AS for the grammar, I will write it better before I turn it in. This is just a rough draft of sorts. I am coming up with nothing! lol Its hard to write something creative on such a report like this. I need ideas! IDEAS!!!!
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 12:32 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • its for a creative writing class.
    OK- that's why I asked. I know sometimes you can get away with a more flexible approach to the language

    Since it is creative, I would recommend a personal touch. something which causes the reader to develop an emotional connection.
    at this point the piece sounds offensive putting the reader on the defensive.
    which means they will read one sentence and shut down

    you have posted enough links to, "he got what he deserved because he violated their rights" stories, that drawing someone in shouldn't be difficult.

    your goal is to make the reader FEEL your argument is the right argument
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:54 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • Thanks! That is VERY helpful...It also opens more ideas. :)
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 1:04 AM on Aug. 7, 2013

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