Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Does my husband have a problem?

My husband is a mechanic and works with a bunch of guys who like to have a few beers after work. None of them have families, they are all pretty much bachelors except for one. Since my husband has started working at this dealership I have noticed his drinking tendencies are worsening. He has a few after work, buys some on his way home (almost every day) and then has 1 or 2 at home again. Granted, he is not getting drunk every night. He actually rarely fully gets drunk. He just has this buzz dependency on beer, and only beer, no liquor. He is spending money we don't have every few days to buy more. It doesn't affect our family much other than the money and when he doesn't have it he gets grumpy. Otherwise he is a very responsible man and good father. Would you consider this a problem? In his eyes it is completely normal to have a few beers after work EVERY DAY (and on the weekends). I just want to know that I am not overreacting or if I am.

Answer Question

Asked by BraydonsMama262 at 2:28 PM on Aug. 7, 2013 in Money & Work

Level 13 (1,323 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Yes it is normal to have a few which in my mind would be under 5 at least, I would think around 3. BUT it is not normal to do so at the detriment of his family(spending money you don't have to spare and need for something else). Add to that the fact his mood changes when he doesn't have them.

    Yes he has a problem(and it doesn't matter if it is beer or liquor)

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 2:50 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • If he is spending money that is needed for the family and gets grumpy when he cannot have a beer, than he has a problem.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:52 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • I would consider it a problem.

    Answer by Keksie at 3:04 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • It is not ok to drink and drive. He gets stoped and he get jailed, fined, ticketed for being over the limit. That is what would bother me.
    My DH drinks. But never drives.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:10 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • I am not sure, I worry about the driving aspect of this, but from the way you describe it, he has a new job with new co-workers, and maybe just wants to be a part of the group. Do you all not do a budget at home? Almost everyday I have a glass of wine or two at home, and on the weekends maybe a bit more. I think the problem lies in spending the money you don't have, and the fact he is now gone so much.
    Can you ask him to not go out every night after work? Is it just for a quick beer and then home? I think that he wants to be a part of the 'team" so to speak, and maybe the newness will wear off. I don't think you need to blast him with AA kind of things, just ask HIM if he thinks the recent turn of events is harming your finances, and family.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 3:20 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • A lot of people have a few drinks after work. But not all of them drive after drinking. Not all of them use money that is needed for their family. Not all of them get grumpy when they can't have it. Besides the buzzed driving, the part that concerns me is that it effects his mood. You need to discuss your concerns with him & maybe go to an AA meeting w/ him. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:25 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • I should specify the's not a new job. He's been there for almost 2 years. I have just noticed the drinking is worsening since he has been there. I am not opposed to drinking. I of course enjoy my wine as well! However, I can't wrap my head around any normalcy of having to have beer every single day? Maybe I am just overreacting.

    Comment by BraydonsMama262 (original poster) at 3:30 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • I would consider it a problem if my husband would rather drink with the boys rather than come home and spend time with his family after work. And spending money that could go the family is another problem. Whether or not he has an issue with alcohol is a third problem (and since you see his alcohol consumption increasing, it's likely). So, yes - not "a problem" but several.

    Answer by missanc at 3:42 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • Stopping off for a drink or two after work isn't necessarily a problem in itself. So if you bring it up to your husband, focus on the effects of the behavior that are becoming problematic--less family time, less family money, less family harmony when he gets grumpy, the possible disastrous consequences of buzzed driving. Maybe a compromise can be reached.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:56 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

  • I would personally worry if it were more than two. Also, it takes money away from the family. A beer bought at a pub, even a crappy pub, costs more than beer bought at the grocery store.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:00 PM on Aug. 7, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.