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2 Bumps

Relationship- advice

Please bump, I feel ovewhelmed and need more thought on the situation. Please think with me or just bump

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/1346889/What_advice_would_you_give?cat_id=&result=answer_added&success=9152451&order=&next=11

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on Aug. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • This is the name of the topic- What advice would you give?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:36 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:06 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • You got some very good advice.
    Keep you nose out of it and let your parents and your brother and his qife work it out. Listen with a sympathetic ear but say mothing
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:08 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • The advice doesn't change. Stay out of it. YOU are not part of this and you need to refuse to be part of it.

    For what it's worth, your parents are being idiots.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:07 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • You should stay out of it.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 10:15 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • The thing I noticed was that you told your mom you didn't have a suggestion or answer, "but it didn't work" or "didn't help."
    It is not going to "work." What you are doing is not making the conflict go away or making your mom's feelings better; you are holding personal boundaries & letting her have her feelings without them affecting/influencing YOUR behavior (in terms of obligation, expectation.) There is no way to avoid the FEELINGS you have in response to her upset. You likely will feel like you need relief from the discomfort you feel around HER distress, and thus need to help & to fix things. The goal is to become increasingly able to TOLERATE that discomfort & those impulses, so that you aren't engaging in automatic behavior around them & becoming over-responsible for the feelings of others.
    Your family is extremely enmeshed, which means your boundaries as a separate person weren't recognized or protected. So it's tough!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:13 AM on Aug. 10, 2013

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