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How can I not hurt his feelings?

Long story short it takes forever for my DH to finish. Way past the point of where it starts to hurt even with lube. It takes so long that I just want it to be over and I avoid sex as much as I can until I feel guilty.

He really likes me on top but I hate it because he's a really big guy and my knees don't even touch the bed. So I have to do squats the whole time.

He LOVES oral but he's uncircumcised and I hate the smell and taste of it.

It's really starting to affect our relationship and I don't know what to do. I've come so close to telling him these issues but I can't see any way to do it without hurting his feelings or making sex even more awkward. Please help. :(


Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Aug. 9, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Is he maybe holding off because he thinks he has to go forever?
    Can he reach orgasm quickly through masturbation?
    You HAVE to sit him down(not in the bedroom) and tell him your feelings

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:56 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • I think this is one of those things that no matter how hard you try to avoid it, he's going to be hurt. But I also think it's one of those things that you need to talk to him about and tell him how you feel. Letting it continue to bother you and not saying anything will only allow it to continue and make you feel bad. And if he ever finds out another way (sees this post somehow, for example, or overhears you say it to someone else), he'll be even more hurt than if you tell him yourself.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:40 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • Maybe this article will help you?
    Here is another one that may offer some insight.
    is the odor a recent development?


    Answer by feralxat at 9:35 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • Consider sex therapy as a couple. There's not going to be any way for him not to feel badly about it. But hopefully he feels badly about it for YOUR sake and not for his.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:04 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • Ask him to stop masturbating for an entire month. Quite often, men who last too long have gotten used to the stimulus of a tight, dry grip and end off needing the intensity to get off. A warm, wet vagina does not have the same effect. He needs to "unlearn" his masturbating habits and needs to start by not self-pleasuring for a month (he'll be a lot more responsive to you).

    Once you have that out in the open, get on to the other things that bother you. Being uncircumcized is absolutely not a reason for him to neglect personal hygiene. Tell him you'd like him to wash more often. As for being on top, you really need to address this. If it's uncomfortable for you then he should learn that there are other (similar) positions that would be more comfortable for you. Try doing it with him in an armchair and you straddling his lap. The chances are that you will be able to do it (or at least rest your knees on the arms of the chair).

    Answer by goldpandora at 11:44 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • Whatever happens, you HAVE to talk to him about this (don't do it in the bedroom). He deserves to at least know why you're being turned off of sex.

    Either you continue as you have been doing and he's going to wonder why you avoid having sex with him and, no doubt, jump to all the wrong conclusions or you can deal with this like adults, discussing things and finding solutions. Don't be surprised to learn that there may be things about sex with you that he isn't entirely enchanted about either :)

    Good luck

    Answer by goldpandora at 11:47 AM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • You might have to talk to him candidly, outside the bedroom and when you are not arguing at all. Don't make the mistake I did and wait too long. If you do, then you will just add resentment on both of your parts to the list of issue you have to deal with. Sx should be fulfilling (and as comfortable as possible) for both of you, and chances are your husband is picking up on the "I can't wait till this is over" feelings. I thought I hid it well; I was wrong. Open discussion is the only way.

    Answer by Ballad at 6:54 PM on Aug. 9, 2013

  • if hes smelling and tasting aweful then he isnt clean. . Tell DH to wash before you do anything, or try taking a shower with him and washing him and starting foreplay in there, i would do do foreplay or oral before you do it that way he can finish when your ready to. If you feel you need to tell him, just be like i have somehting sensitive to tell you, been thinking about it for a bit and i dont want to hurt your feelings, but .....

    Answer by jlouise03 at 5:33 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

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