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Need some advice please...

My ex and I live 130 miles apart and our boys want to play ball this summer, the problem I have is that he won't compromise on his visitations...We own our home, have a very stable life, we also have sole physical custody and he has scheduled visitation. He doesn't own his home, lives with his Mom (he's 46) doesn't work, been laid off for over a year and won't look for work... I want them to see their Dad, have time with him but they want to play ball so bad and it's so hard for me to help them understand that I can't just say no to their Dad and let them stay home thru the summer... He can't afford to move closer to us and we can't put opur house on the market to move closer to him, nothings selling right now and we love where we live. The boys are settled in school here and are building friendships etc... I want our boys to have something fun to do this summer, any ideas on anything else they could do instead?? Thankyou!

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • You can try Karate classes, look into programs at the YMCA or Rec center. We always get season passes to the amusement park and zoo and on weekends I have all the kids we go there. We also go fishing, camping, and boating.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:43 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • OP here, Thank you, I will look into the Y, we do go to off road parks and take our oldests dirt bike and our jeep and go wheelin, just wanted something to keep them active, healthy ect... And to learn from as well...

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • have you told your kids to talk to their dad about it. If it is coming from them it might be easier for everyone.

    Answer by Ihatelaundry at 6:46 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I agree, have them talk to their dad. Another thing, if he doesn't work, and if it's summer, then how about talking to him (or, for that matter, if it comes down to it, to a lawyer), about having his visitation during the week instead of on weekends?

    Like, if practice is on Mon and Wed, could they be dropped off / picked up after practice on Mon and picked up again / dropped off before practice on Wed? Etc?

    Try explaining to him that it's very important to you that he have a relationship with the kids, and that you want them to want to go see him, not resent "having to go" see him, and you still want them to be able to do regular kid stuff like play ball, so would he be willing to consider this?

    If he isn't, then frankly, I think I would have the boys talk to him about it, or all of you - you, your ex, and your boys, talk about it, or talk to your divorce lawyer about getting the visitations changed.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:53 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • OP here, He has to have his visit schedule in by April 1st,he gets 6 weeks in the summer, if it's not workable then we have to work it out between us. If that's not an option then I guess it will have to go to a lawyer. I would like to have a bit more say in things, and I do want them to have time with him... They love him so much. The boys are 5 and 6 and our 6 yr old has said it many times that he doesn't want to spend the whole summer there and I have told him to talk to Daddy about it but in my heart I think that puts too much pressure on him.. I know he doesn't want to make his dad feel bad.. Thank you for all of your suggestions...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • If they're going to be there for 6 weeks, would it be possible for them to play ball there? At that age, I think if you talk to the Rec League and explain the situation, then they should be able to work it out with you that they can play.

    I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you all. Also, if that doesn't work out, maybe if you worked something out like he got all of "your holidays" and all of their holiday breaks in exchange for the summer, would that be something you all could do?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:45 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Can they play ball in there dad's area during his 6 weeks? I dunno if this is even an option?

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:31 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I agree, see if they can play ball in his area. If not, explain that they really want to play. If he stills says no, tell him you will have to talk to your lawyer. Its a big thing for kids that age to play ball or other sports.

    Answer by medicmomof2 at 9:00 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • If they are old enough to say they want to stay home more this summer to play ball, then i say you should let them. Dad is the adult and should compromise his "convience" to let them be happy. And if he doesn't have the means to do that, then thats his loss and he needs to man up and start doing what he should be doing (getting a job and car, etc) so that he won't miss out on these important things!

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 9:03 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • This is just my opinion so take it for what it's worth:

    The boys are boys....what they do/don't do depends on their parents' decisions. Their father is a grown man and can come visit the boys and even catch a ball game or two. If he can't afford it, then I guess it's time to man up, get a job and some money and come see his boys. You are only young once and it would be a shame for the boys do miss out on playing ball because their dad can't get it together.

    Again, just my opinion and sorry if it seems harsh.

    Answer by Kristin21 at 10:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

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