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How to deal

I have the most deadbeat child father, it took him a year to let his father know about our child and I doubt the mother knows. What bothers me is that he breaks his back for one out of 4 kids (I only have one) and that's not fair. I am feeling very resentful against him because my child didn't ask for this nor does she deserve it. He doesn't even try at all.. Honestly it upsets me to the fullest to the point I want to hit him where it really hurts.. I already did the paperwork for child support (I did it in my area) but they transferred the case to where he lives. ITS TAKING FOREVER, I am really thinking about doing some damage, something that makes me feel better. Maybe I should blame myself for this for picking such a douche, He didn't show me he was until I had her. Sad part she was born at 28 weeks, 1 pound 14 ounces and he only seen her a number of 4 maybe 5 times

How do I deal with the bottled up anger?

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momofGenesis

Asked by momofGenesis at 12:49 AM on Aug. 12, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If you do damage to him or his property, you will be caught and charged. You will be sentenced and then what happens to your child.

    He is not having the joy that comes from having a child. He may not know it and that is sadder yet. You continue with the suit but you simple keep him as far out of your mind as is possible.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • You focus on that little miracle baby who needs you so much. She's lucky to be alive, you're lucky to have her, and Deadbeat Douchebag loses out.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:12 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • Just remember that, as sad as it sounds, you cannot make him love his child. My ex left over 12 years ago. He has had no contact with one of our kids, and the one he supposedly has a relation ship with, is pretty pathetic. He never calls, emails, or writes letters. He never sends presents or even  cards for birthdays or Christmas. My son would visit him for one month in the summer, and my ex would continue to work while he was there, and my son said they never did anything special. ( you see your son for one month a year, and you can't take some vacation time?) My son is autistic, and he refused to help pay for his therapy.I ended up paying for all of it. My theory is that he wishes he never was with me, so he ignores our kids to delude himself into rewriting the past.   

    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 1:55 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • It becomes pretty obvious to your children how their supposed father feels about them as they get older. I just do my best to make sure my kids absolutely know I LOVE THEM WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING. I also make sure they know I think they are extraordinary. My kids have never asked why their father is so distant. If they did, I would tell them that their father has made his unfortunate choices, and it is his loss to not have them in his life. BUT, I will always be there for them.
    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 1:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • You are right, so right to be pissed off and wanting revenge, hell I would be too! But , acting on the thoughts of you pushing him off a cliff may or use him for fertilizer for your roses, may help in the short term, but your dd will pay the ultimate price. She will have to grow up without her mom.
    Working out the frustration and stress is pretty easy, exercise. Get a punching bag and put a picture of him on it and think of it as you beating the hell out of him and/or wishing it was a VooDoll...
    He is the fucking idiot. He's gonna miss out on the biggest events in her life such as HS prom, getting married etc.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • You handle things through the court and ignore him and his existence when you're not in court or actively filling out paperwork to deal with his refusal to pay child support. You cannot force him to be a father, so don't try to make him see her, and don't do any damage to anything, because any damage you do is going to end up damaging your daughter, and your relationship with her.

    Losers like him don't change. And your child will grow up to realize who and what he is. Trust me - my 12 yr old son has figured out who and what his father is (a man who hasn't been around in almost 9 yrs, and owes $25K in support), and my 9 yr old is starting to get there - and they've both figured it out on their own.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:42 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • Get some counseling.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:04 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • Counseling to deal with the anger. You're giving this man too much power. STOP.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:11 AM on Aug. 12, 2013

  • I want to thank all of you ladies for your supporting answers, and you all are right I need to get some counseling for my anger and just enjoy MY time with her, since he obviously do not want to. And I will just let the system deal with his belligerence. Thank you all again, every one of your words mean a lot to me.
    momofGenesis

    Comment by momofGenesis (original poster) at 6:10 PM on Aug. 12, 2013

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