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How can I get adult children to clean up after themselves?

I have 2 adult children still at home and they are not doing their share of responsibilities around the house. My biggest issue is cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cooked meal. I work part time and come home, make dinner, and I don't want to clean it up or do the dishes. I am sick of cleaning up the kitchen after 22 years!!!! I have tried certain nights for everyone. Putting dirty dishes in their room, etc. My husband is no better. I realize that he works all day, but I think I deserve the respect. Do they think "why should I do it, when mom will" We have had multiple conversations about it. It gets better for a short time, then back to the same. I like a clean kitchen, but I don't want to do all of the work!!! I also don't want to kick my kids out. They are lots of fun and a joy to have around. Any suggestions?


Asked by patti-oregon at 7:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (9)

  • If they dont clean they dont eat from your kitchen.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 7:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Well what on earth?? Why didn't you start them on chores early?? My brother and I were doing dishes by 10 or 12.
    Just tell them that you need some help, and that they can alternate the nights eachother does dishes, but that they are adults now, and need to start taking some responsibility and helping out.

    Answer by mrseum at 8:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • My adult child chooses not to live with me He knows that it is my rules so he would rather act like an adult and find his own way

    Answer by gitanomadre at 10:14 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • You could tell them you will get a maid for kitchen duty and they have to pay for it. They can contribute money or they can contribute time to clean up after themselves.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:11 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Put all their crap on the porch and change the locks. Disrespect is just that, whether it is from your children or not. Cut the cord.

    Both my children are grown and there is no way I would tolerate that nonsense.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Are they working, going to school or sitting around the house all day? If they aren't going to help with chores they can start paying rent!! Or they can move out & have to do all the chores themselves in their own place. We did that with our kids & they straightened up REAL QUICK!! DD working full-time & getting ready to go back to school & DS is at school in the dorm. Both appreciate what we do for them. (Most of the time)

    Answer by dorothyn22 at 10:52 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • If you want to continue to live in my house, you will help with chores. You can be responsible adults and automatically help do the things that need done or I can assign chores to you. Anyone that doesn't contribute to the care of the household can find themselves a new place to live.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Thank you for all your help!!! I am applied the NO CLEANUP - NO EATING

    Answer by patti-oregon at 9:24 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Oops, I think I messed that up. Thank you for all of your help!!! I applied the NO CLEANUP - NO EATING last night. I made dinner for my 10 yr old and my 17 yr old, which are always more than happy to help out. I told my husband " no dinner for those that are not cleaning up" He made his own dinner. My kids "used to" do chores on a regular basis. It has just been since they have moved back home I have not gotten this issue under control. In general, they are not disrespectful kids at all, they are sloppy. They are paying rent. But, the maid idea is great. I think the thing I have the hardest time with is "kicking them out" . I know it's not a bad idea, I just really like them here. They are so alive, energetic, and all-around "great". By the way, the problem is with my husband also. He is the one that I have not MADE do anything around the house for 23 years. Kick him out? Nah, I like him too much!! Re-training!!!

    Answer by patti-oregon at 9:32 PM on Feb. 19, 2009