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3 Bumps

Accidentally stumbled upon some nudes of his ex :( adult content

My fiancé and I have a great, honest relationship with each other. We tell each other everything and we have no shields up. We don't put passwords on our computers, we leave our email up and open and our phones are both easily accessible. We will frequently answer each other's phone/texts. So this isn't a trust issue or me thinking he's cheating but....

I was sitting next to him playing with his phone and looking through his old emails. He has all of his emails from the years synced to his phone and he hasn't deleted anything and there were some from just a few months before we met that I was looking through because they were from his goofy days with his buddies and they were sending funny pics of band stuff and just stupid crap they were doing to each other. Well I had looked through about 12 and was laughing my butt of when out of nowhere I stumble upon one random one that was NOT from a friend. It was an ex and she had sent him nudes. Now this was from years ago and it was from about 4 months before we met so it shouldn't be a big deal but I am absolutely heartbroken and feeling SO insecure over it now.

I don't think he's cheating or that he has done anything wrong...I think he just forgot it was there and didn't think to delete them. I don't think he's secretly scrolling through hundreds of emails to get a look or anything. But it's different to know that he used to be with other women than to actually SEE who he's been with and compare myself to her. She has HUGE perfect boobs (I have tiny saggy ones from having kids), she had a tiny waist and nice hips, and she looked....tighter....than me and she had a crazy clit piercing. She is absolutely everything I'm not. I am small breasted, a little chunkier, I've got stretch marks galore and I've had two kids so I'm obviously not super tight and I DO NOT have any crazy piercings. I feel sick just thinking about it. Suddenly after years of never questioning whether he was attracted to me or not I'm feeling like there's no way he could go from her to me and be satisfied and all of a sudden I don't want him to touch or look at me and I'm going to bed in huge sweats and a t-shirts instead of bra and panties like I used to. I guess it doesn't help that I'm 23 weeks pregnant so I'm already down on myself a little. What should I do? :(

And before anyone says "you shouldn't have been looking through it" keep in mind that we often look through each other's stuff right next to each other just to look at funny stuff we had in our's usually innocent stuff...this was the first time something like that came up and he felt bad that it was in there. He was RIGHT NEXT TO ME. so please just be nice. I'm seriously so upset.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Aug. 13, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Really this is just your own insecurities and jealousy coming through. If you want your relationship with him to continue in a positive manner. You need to address YOUR issues and figure out whatever it is you need to do to learn to fix them. Get counseling or come to terms with your body issues. Whatever. Just remember...she's an ex and HE CHOSE YOU. Love isn't based on how someone's body looks.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 12:26 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • there is a reason she is an ex...right? as for you feeling that way: here is my husband's ex:


    so I can relate to that feeling.  But he is with ME- regardless of the fact that I have always struggled with weight and I am nowhere NEAR being a model!

    Just realise he is with YOU and he wants YOU- not her


    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 12:34 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • And apparently he wanted that type of body at some point...

    And when I was 18 I wanted a body builder- dated several of them in fact.
    Then I grew up and realized looks aren't as important as personality and the ability to care about family.

    What is the point you're trying to make? He fucked a hard body and that is more important than the baby in your belly?

    Answer by feralxat at 12:39 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • I don't think u were snooping and I can see where your coming from. It's not really on him but more just to do with your self esteem and that YOU wish you had his ex's body.. Has nothing to do with him wanting that body.

    I'm a insecure person as well. Try an talk to him about what you found. Maybe hearing him confirm that he is very much into you would help a little. Never hurts to hear compliments From
    The one you love. (just remember they enjoy compliments too!)

    Answer by nnh_mama at 12:50 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • you are pregnant and all hormonal
    get a hold of yourself
    you have two kids, so you know that your body is only going to get more pregnant and more hormonal

    you are having his child not the ex

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:57 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • I believe you said he never deletes anything off of his phone. There is your answer.

    You were curious and snooping, whether it was with his consent or not. You found his past and that is a part of his past.

    Grow up.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:32 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • You didn't accidentally stumble on the pictures you were looking on purpose. You did not expect to see the nudes but then you did not expect to see any of the posts because you did not know what would be in there before you started snooping. And that is the correct word. He obviously wasn't trying to hide anything from you.
    You are being an insecure baby.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:45 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • Good gravy- if he wanted that type of body he would be with that type of body!

    Answer by feralxat at 12:33 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • here is one of my dh's exes


    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 12:57 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • he likes girls with mean on their bones, I think he upgraded when he got me lol


    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 1:05 PM on Aug. 13, 2013