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2 Bumps

I posted a couple days ago about step son, absent mom.

i found her, she's in prison so i bookmarked the page with her housing information.. but i really don't know what to do with it. he's only 6 so its not like he can write a letter..

if you didn't read my last post.. he's 6. dad was single dad from 3 months until he was 3 years old. lately he's been asking who his real mom is, and who had him. and where. i am unable to find any photos of her and him. i just don't know where to go from here..

how would you approach this.. also last time i asked.. someone said have husband do it.. well he's just as lost as i am, so we are trying to get opinions on how other parents would handle this.

Answer Question
 
mampanda0422

Asked by mampanda0422 at 8:42 PM on Aug. 13, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,395 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I think 6 is a little too young for full details. There are therapists who help children with those types of questions. I think I'd check with them on how to answer his questions.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:48 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • i tried our insurance doesn't cover therapist.. and out of pocket cost is a little to much for us to even be able to afford at this time.. hence why i am trying to do some damage control.. at least until we have the money to be able to go to a therapist.
    mampanda0422

    Comment by mampanda0422 (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • Wow. Poor kid. I guess if he really wants an anser, the best you can tell him is that his mom broke some rules and has to stay for a while in a place where grown-ups go for time out. Remind him that you love him very much and that although you didn't give birth to him, you take care of him every day because he's so special.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 8:54 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • I think you may be making this more difficult than it needs to be. My rule while raising my kids was never to overwhelm them with information. They're usually much better able to process things if you give it to them in small doses.

    Like I said in my response in your previous question, I'd stick with the minimum. That his mom loved him so much that she let you and your husband take care of him because she knew how much YOU loved him too. You can tell him she lives far away but that when he gets older maybe they can visit. That's it. Then use just enough information to answer his questions that he gets a good idea of what you're saying, without being burdened with stuff he can't possibly process.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 9:01 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • I can only tell you what I told my granddaughter when she began asking the same questions. They are adopted by us and were removed from parents who were found guilty of neglect and abuse. When she first asked she was almost 6. I told her her mommy and Daddy loved her and her brother but they were very young when they had them. They tried to take care of you but they didn't know all the things parents need to know and they didn't ask for help. So we all went to see a very smart lady named Judge (her Name) and she decided the best and safest place for you to be was with us. As she's gotten older she wants more details and she is getting them little by little.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:34 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • im in your same boat in a way but my step sons mother has stepped out on them and they r 7 and 5 and the 7yr old has memories of his mom leaving him all the time and hes currently in therapy right now and everytime she brings his real mom up he shuts down he wants to protect his mom for a reason and the 5 yr old I really dnt think he has any memory of her he goes off wut his brother says but its hard to talk to them about things but soon enough hell understand
    angelnina8715

    Answer by angelnina8715 at 12:29 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Go to the prison and snal her picture.
    You might call ahead to see what you need to do to visit and what you can and can not bring/ do during the visit.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:29 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • What does the boy's father think about all of this? What does he want to share or not share with the child?
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • lately he's been asking who his real mom is, and who had him. and where. i am unable to find any photos of her and him. i just don't know where to go from here..

    Just be honest with him. "Blankety Blank is your birth mother. She gave birth to you in This City, State. But she didn't feel she could take good enough care of you, so she gave you to your dad and me, because she knew we could take good enough care of you."

    He doesn't need to know she's in prison - if he asks where she is now, a simple "she lives somewhere else and we can't contact her right now" should really be good enough.

    I don't necessarily think this is something Dad HAS to handle - you can probably do it just fine - but I would try to find out why he's so flustered about it. It doesn't seem like it should really be all that complicated and stressful - I'm not saying it's easy, but it kind of sounds like maybe he thinks it's more difficult than it is.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:22 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

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