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Situation

My dd goes to tennis, usually everything nice and quiet. She is usually shy and has one friend that she playing with. That friend is a little less shy, but still shy. Twenty minutes after the class was over, a lady approached our girls and started to speak with them, then she approached us and told that because our girls her son does not want to play tennis, that they call him names and they call him a failure during last three classes. The other mom quickly apologized without letting it to raise and without reprimanding her daughter. My daughter start crying and told me that actually he called them names. I asked the trainer who was there what actually happen and he told that they and several other kids were involved in the game and called each other names and that the specific boy was calling names several children. The boy's mom told us 'that she appreciate that we are so open about our children's behavior and you never know what your child capable of", Her child kept complaining to her and I asked what exactly my daughter tell to him that upsets him that much. He told me "She did not say anything about me", "the other girl did, she said I am annoying". Then they just left. Now, my daughter does not want to go to that tennis any more...I feel that I don't know whether I behaved right. I feel uncomfortable to be in the interaction with that mom...any thought on situation?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Aug. 13, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Why didn't the trainer put a stop to it? That's where I'd start.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:05 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • When you say "trainer" do you mean coach, personal trainer or athletic trainer?? Who was in charge exactly??
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:14 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • The trainer simply changed activity, he did not think that what happen was out of the ordinary, that demands punishment or so, he simply redirected them and that was it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:17 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • I probably should use the word coach
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:18 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • Why did it take a week for the mom to come to you about it? Even if classes are once a week, if it was a really big deal, I'm surprised either the coach or the other mom didn't get in touch wit you before.

    Things happen. Hopefully the other mom will understand Your kid was no angel, but neither was hers, and that's how kids learn to interact politely. I'd let it restfor a few days, then talk to your daughter again. Remind her that name calling hurts, and encourage her to stick up for herself and others next time. I wouldn't let her stop taking tenis lessons over this one incident. She needs to learn resilience, and now's as good a time as any.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:43 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • Classes are twice a week and the next one is the day after tomorrow. I told my daughter-no name calling or making comments about others, rather to speak with the coach if the problem arise. Yet she insists that she did not do anything wrong and did not say anything to that boy. She also asks to register her into other tennis class because she afraid that all three kids of this mom will be mean to her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:20 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • Next time, get all the information you can on something like this. Ultimately, the mom of the boy didn't do HER research, which is a shame. Tell your daughter that there can be miscommunication in life and that this is an example. Apologizing immediately isn't so awful of the other mom. It shuts the dumb situation down and illustrates to everyone the power of an apology, even if it wasn't really her place to make one.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:58 PM on Aug. 13, 2013

  • Yes, it was not bad solution. The trouble is with getting the information is that before the lady approached me, she approached to us when everyone else left, the coach came out for just a moment. Then I asked the coach, but really I am not even sure that he knew what she is talking about...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:28 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Sounds to me like the coach is not controlling the situation. Never mind the parents and the other kids, you need to find a coach who promotes sportsmanship. Name-calling is NOT sportsmanship.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:01 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Yes, the coach could be more assertive, when he asks children to collect the ball, they are not listening, he collect those balls by himself with the special machine. He lets the loudest kids to stay in the game, even though by the rule they need to be out...He redirecting them rather reprimanding.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:16 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

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