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a question that stemmed from someone elses question
So, I read and answered a question here about whose needs you put first, your child's or your spouses. There were a lot of really interesting points made on both sides, with a lot of good justifications for those feelings on both sides. I would like to re-ask that question, with an expansion - not only whose needs, and why, but how old are your kids?
The reason I ask this is because while obviously our kids, no matter what age, need our love and care, the nature of that care, and how "hands on, labor intensive" it is depends on the age of the child. (for example, you wouldn't tell a 6 week old to wait til Daddy was home to feed them, but you could tell a 16 yr old to wait, dinner will be in 30 minutes when Dad gets home...)
I was wondering how much people's answers were influenced by the age, (and the physical demands that go with that age) of their kids.
Please, I hope this stays civil :-)
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Since I asked this, I'll start by sharing my answer, as well. I have 2 teenagers. Who comes first depends on the situation. My dh and I both sacrifice a lot to give our kids the best life we can. They come first in a lot of things, and they know we would die for them if need be. We are responsible for caring for them as parents, physically, emotionally, and financially.
BUT - even though they know that there are 4 people in our family, and no one member is more important than the other ones, there are only 2 people in our marriage, and neither of them are named ____ or ____ (insert my kids' names there ;-) ) .
cont
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Mine was.
I chose my children because they are "almost" 5, 2 1/2, and 13 mths.
When they are teens Id still probably put them first over DH because they may wait for dinner til dads home but they will still need my help more often then their father will,etc.Found an answer to your question?
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While when they were younger, they didn't always understand (why they couldn't go with us on our date, even though they liked their sitter - they wanted the sitter to come play and Mommy and Daddy to stay and play, too.)
Now, they say they look at all their friends parents who don't get along, are divorced, etc, and they appreciate that we love each other and make time for each other, and they agree with us that one of the best gifts we can give them is 2 parents who love each other and make time for our marriage.
BUT - that doesn't mean that I don't still spend the bulk of my time going from soccer to scouts to band to this friends house to that friends house, this school event, that youth group function, etc ;-)Found an answer to your question?
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Our childrens needs are always taken care of.... But I look at it this way, our children are going to grow up and move away, have their own lives and in order to keep my marriage strong then I have to make it a priority..... How will they learn to have good relationships if they don't see us take care of ours??? This is from the other question posted, our kids are 12, 6 and 5....Found an answer to your question?
Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Feb. 18, 2009
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I also think that if our kids won't learn how to have healthy relationships if they don't see us take care of ours......Found an answer to your question?
Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Feb. 18, 2009
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Thank you both for your answers, and for keeping it civil - you both made really good points :-)Found an answer to your question?
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I think that our marriage comes first. My son is only 6 months old, and I believe in filling his needs completely. I also feel that one major need is a happy family with a mother and father who love each other and respect each other. So I can't say that I put my husband ahead of my child, but I can say that my marriage is very much protected. At this age of course my son's immediate needs come first for example if hubby and I are engaging in intimate behavior in the bed room and our son wakes up, I stop and go tend to his needs. That being said I am also willing to let him spend the night at grandma's house to have an uninterrupted night with my husband even if my son is not exactly thrilled to be so far away from me for a night. So it does depend on his age and on the situation I guess is my answer.Found an answer to your question?
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Thank you for posting this, because it does make a difference. I put my husband first. We have a 14 year old. But if we had an infant who needed to eat, she's getting fed before my husband is. And he would absolutely agree with that. But even as young as a one year old, if I come home I'm greeting my husband first, then I'll greet my child. I think it's immensely important for your children to have a stable and happy home life and they're not going to get that if their parents aren't feeding their relationship and keeping it strong.Found an answer to your question?
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i chose children..... my son will be two next month... and he depends on me for EVERYTHING where as the husband, doesnt....
but even if my child was older.. i think i would feel the same.Found an answer to your question?
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