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Do your parents keep you in the dark? Do you keep things from your grown kids?

My dad, stepmom & 1/2 sis are fighting. No surprise there. But my 1/2 sis called me last night to say her friend read on my stepmom's FB page that my dad was on a heart monitor & had to have cancer surgery. So when I didn't get a response from Stepmom, I called the hospital. Dad's not there. Finally get a hold of her & she tells me the heart monitor is portable & that the cancer surgery is for 2 areas of skin cancer. (He's had this procedure before) My dad "doesn't want to worry me." But WTH- I have to find out 3rd hand from FB?! Really?! That's messed up. And why protect me from the truth- I'm a grown woman!

So- do your parents keep their health issues a secret? Do you spare your grown children from yours? If so, WHY?!


Asked by mrsmom110 at 9:42 AM on Aug. 14, 2013 in Health

Level 48 (284,686 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • They even said he could drive after, so he told my stepmom not to come w/ him.

    My parents do that!
    I stop by to visit and ask where one of them is and the response?

    "Oh, getting a spot removed" : /

    Answer by feralxat at 12:05 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Nope, if something happens they let me know. They use to "forget" to tell me stuff and I got pissed and let them know exactly how I felt about being left out. Now they let me know when important stuff is going on.

    I doubt I would keep anything major health wise from my son.

    Answer by kmath at 9:45 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • We had an open relationship with both sets of our parents, who are all gone now. I'm finding that our grown children do not always keep us informed about many things that are going on in their own lives and the lives of our grandchildren. We have overall good relationships with all of them, and I think the problem may be that they become so busy with their own lives that they forget that they haven't told us. When I've learned things through other sources and have questioned them, the answer has always been that they thought they had told us. But, I've also seen that when one of them gets left out of the loop, they don't like it one little bit. And that has happened, too. I've told 2 of the 3 and believed that I've told them all. Maybe you just shouldn't try to read too much into it and give them the benefit of the doubt, but by all means, do speak up!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:53 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • No, my parents keep me informed. To the point that my mother has even texted me to tell me she's taking my dad to the hospital for a kidney stone. lol She's had skin cancer on her face and I was kept completely informed. But my whole family is like that. My grandma will call to tell me my grandfather is in the hospital or that my Uncle _______ is dealing with ______. It's just what we do. Sometimes someone will think they've told us when they haven't, but no one is ever deliberately left out of the loop.

    I would just be honest and tell your parents that you're an adult and you do not want to be kept in the dark like a child.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:04 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • We (my parents and I) tend to not tell each other anything until we have a plan in place because the first question is always, "Oh, no! What are you going to do"?

    Answer by feralxat at 10:05 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Yep. My mom usually tells us at the last minute when something it wrong. Even though we have talked to her about it, she still does it. I think she does it so she can act like a martyr. "Oh, I went through this all by myself." is something we frequently hear. In fact, I had a close friend of hers call me once and scold me for not helping my mom, although I didn't know she needed help!

    My FIL used to do it to my husband until my husband went ballistic about it Now he calls us with regular health updates (with my DH"s parents, we need it!)

    Answer by ChasingBridges at 10:11 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • mine kept too much for too long from me.... and now they're both in separate hospitals one in a ICU and one a dialysis inpatient center and I get to pay their bills. care for their dog, and get their mail. and visit them. and get my 2 kids ready for school. all because they didn;t want to worry me. now I worry non stop. its a terrible plan

    Answer by hibbingmom at 11:12 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Nope I'm usually the second person to know, after my stepdad.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Yes, my dad has been in the hospital before & not told me. :(

    Answer by 3libras at 9:52 AM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Sometimes and sometimes not.
    There is such a thing as personal privacy and some things you do not want to share. In that case I would not put it on here or on FB. That seems kind of wrong
    My brother had surgery for skin cancer. It was two small patches. He didn't tell anyone ( well obviously SIL) because it wasn't a big deal, he didn't want to alarm anyone and it was no one's business.
    Now if you need to get home before it is too late, that is a different matter.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:22 AM on Aug. 14, 2013