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She says, i love her brother and sister's.. what?

i honestly love my 4 kids equally.. of course my youngesters 18 months old and 4 months spend more time with me then my 4 and 2 yrs old.. now my oldest dd says i love her less?
what can i do take that feeling away from her?

 
betinha

Asked by betinha at 6:52 PM on Aug. 14, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 9 (356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • An important thing to remember is that what she says shares what she THINKS & how she FEELS. What you are hearing is her reality, the truth for her. You can struggle against it, or argue with her in hopes of changing her mind, but she has shared how things ARE (in her world.) Her world, the movie SHE is making, is what's true for her. If you can join her there (rather than resisting it because it's not how YOU feel & it's not what you want her to think/feel), then you will be helping her to process HOW she feels, so those very feelings will shift & grow: change.
    Feelings are a process, not a static state. If we were less afraid of letting them be what they are, we would find them moving in encouraging directions as people (our children, ourselves) process them!
    Listen & care. Some ways to respond: "Oh, that sounds like such a hard way to feel." "I see...it must hurt to think that." Or, "Oh. I didn't know you FELT that way."
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:26 AM on Aug. 15, 2013

  • Try spending more time with her....make arrangements for special outings with just her....
    older

    Answer by older at 6:54 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • You again?
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:01 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • .

    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 8:22 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Some of that jealousy, or perceived lack of attention, is just normal. Younger ones require more care, but remind your daughter that older kids get more privileges and the chance to do fun things that babies can't do. Maybe find something just the two of you can do together, but fr the most part, I wouldn't worry about making everything all equal every second, because that's just not realistic. Families are about give and take.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 6:59 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • You're single? Stop having children Octomom
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • You can spend time with the older one when the younger ones are taking naps.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 7:31 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • How about re-reading a previous one of your questions?

    http://www.cafemom.com/answers/1169262/How_can_i_make_sure_i_am_spending_equal_tim_with_the_three_of_my_kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Do you have friends or family who live nearby who can help w/ the kids? There are ways to make a child feel loved, by our words, & our actions. I'm sure she just needs more mommy time.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:37 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Is there any way one of your family members can watch the other kids and you spend some alone time with your oldest?? If not mayb you could look into a daycare program that's free? In my state there's what's called the CCdf program and all my day care is free you have to either be working or in school to qualify tho. Mayb look into that? That way you can take your other three to daycare and spend some alone time with your oldest even if its one day a week you take the other 3??
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 7:38 PM on Aug. 14, 2013