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2 Bumps

What to do... I need help!

We have been invited to a wedding 1300 miles away. The person getting married is a close friend of dh's family. He was the best man in our wedding 15 years ago, but since then we have only seen him one time. We do not see him or talk to him at all. Dh's mom and sister are still really close to his mom and we see her once a year.
The problem is that we can NOT afford to go. It is seriously to the point that if we go we will not be able to buy food or pay our bills the next month. We had the money to fly set aside, but my inlaws didn't have the money at that time to buy their own tickets, so we didn't buy them. We had an unexpected expense and the money for the trip was put into that instead.
My inlaws do not have the money to go either, one is unemployed and the other is only working part time. But they are going anyway. At first the expected us to take our three kids too. But that is way to expensive and a pain in the ass since it was decided that we are going to have to drive. We will be gone 6 days and driving 25 hours each way to be there. It is not a trip for kids. My MIL finally agreed that we shouldn't take the kids.
As the trip gets closer, we have told them that we don't have the money to go, but they are not listening. The mother of the groom paid for hotel rooms for us, but there is the cost of food and gas. The gas should be around $200 per couple and then food for six days. I just have no idea how we can swing it and I think it is really unfair that we are being bullied into going. We are not close to the guy...haven't been in the past 18 years that I have known my dh.

Dh told his mom that we just can't swing it. She got hysterical and said that if we don't go then they can't go either. They would have to rent a hotel instead of driving straight through and would have to pay for gas alone. She said that we shouldn't worry about it that they will help pay for it. I know for a fact that they don't have money to go because she told me that her friend had to send her $500 last month for them to pay their house payment.

Any advice? Would you suck it up and go or stand your ground?

I am a regular, but don;t really want this out there... so I am going anon.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Aug. 14, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I would not go.

    Answer by m-avi at 8:09 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • If you cant' afford it, you can't afford it. Don't starve yourself and/or your kids just to make them happy. If they want to go so bad, let them go.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:17 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • I hope they understand if someone does not have it in their budget to travel they just do not have it.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:22 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • I would stand my ground. You will be miserable and unhappy the entire trip worrying about finances.

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:25 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • So now maybe the solution so for dh to go and I would stay home with our kids. At least we wouldn't have to pay as much for food.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:29 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • How much is bus fare? You all are going to be in a world of hurt if the car breaks down, I say talk to the in-laws and all of you make the responsible choice and not go.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 8:35 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • What's the maximum number of people who can go without causing yourselves a financial hardship? That's who goes. If it's just your husband, so be it.

    But in your shoes I'd tell the inlaws we cannot afford it, we're not going, that's final. Whether you go is up to you. And the groom's family should not be paying money for guests! They should be able to get that back.

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:35 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • You can't get blood from a turnip. If you don't have the money, its just not an option for you.

    Don't allow yourself to be bullied and put your family's livelihood at risk.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 8:38 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Don't go. Mother of the groom should be able to get a refund on the hotel room(s). Sounds like you'd be doing MIL a favor if she won't go because you can't. Neither of you can afford it. Send a card a maybe a small monetary gift to the happy couple.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:07 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

  • Oh Lordy! Now she is saying that the way they are able to go is that they got a forbearance on their mortgage and she had two job interviews this week.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:09 PM on Aug. 14, 2013

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