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2 Bumps

Do I have a right to be a little hurt?

So I've been married and divorced twice, I married young and the second time I was still young and stupid so I got out of that marriage rather quick, especially after he became violent. Well I've been with my current boyfriend for a while and we are expecting but he says he will never marry again. It's made me kind of feel like he's still holding onto his ex. He says he wants something with me he doesn't have with his others kids' moms but he and his ex had a lot more than what we have. I guess I did want to have more of a future with him.. I'm really hurt that he never wants that type of commitment with me but I'm scared to tell him how I feel cause he's made it very clear he doesn't want marriage. He believes that people can only be married once and that's all.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Aug. 16, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Did you know this going into the relationship? If you did, this is on you. Some people don't want to get married a first or second time. He had a bad marriage and it ended and he doesn't want to go through that again. It has nothing to do with holding onto his ex.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 12:54 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • Why does "commitment" require a piece of paper?
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:55 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • Sticky. You guys should talk it out. Marriage really doesn't mean much anymore.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:57 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • It's just that I feel he had more with her than he does with me. Like what they had was more special. And no I didn't until later down the road about how he felt. I'm left feeling like he cared for her on much more of a deeper level and its hard to get past that thought. When I was younger and got married it was through the courthouse which I never wanted a wedding through there, I wanted the story book kinda wedding and now that I'm with my boyfriend I can't picture being with anyone else. He calls me his kids' step mom but more often than not I just feel like his girlfriend with no real say so on any of the kids.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:01 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • I wanted the story book kinda wedding

    Isn't the happily ever after a little bit more important than a party?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 1:13 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • If your needs are not being fulfilled, it's time to go elsewhere!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:18 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • It sounds like you are more worried about not getting your storybook wedding than you are about anything else. He loves you, he considers you his kid's step-mom., marriage is just a piece of paper and it isn't for everyone. If you can't accept that, then you should find someone else.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 1:19 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • You are pregnant? And he does not want a committed relationship? How is he your SO then?  Didn't you talk about this stuff before you got pregnant?

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:27 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • He's my boyfriend, we live together but he doesn't want any further commitment than that
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:32 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

  • "He says he wants something with me he doesn't have with his others kids' moms but he and his ex had a lot more than what we have. "

    That is a HUGE RED FLAG.

    As to your right to be hurt.. you always have a right to feel however you want, even if the feeling is foolish (though in this case it's not). So never ask if you have a right to a feeling; ask instead what your appropriate action is because the action is what counts.

    And with that huge red flag, my action would be to get counseling first. If the red flag doesn't disappear, then I'd be walking and spending time on my own to figure out what I really want for the rest of my life.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:46 PM on Aug. 16, 2013

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