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Where did I go wrong?

My 2 year old boy doesn't love me. :(
Since he was born I always knew he would be a daddy's boy, their bond was stronger. I love my baby to bits and pieces, but he doesn't ever seem to want me. He always wants his grandmother or his dad. He choses them over me all the time. It hurts sometimes. He doesn't even call me momma. He calls me by my name. He doesn't respect me, or ever listen to me. I've been told that he only acts like that with me.

What am I doing wrong? How can I make our bond stronger?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Aug. 17, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • I am sure that boy loves you hun, kids will get attached to those who spend time with them, maybe this is what is need to spend more time with your son one on one....

    Answer by older at 7:16 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • Do you spend a lot of time with him?

    Answer by louise2 at 8:27 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • It's a phase

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:51 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • I'm sure he loves you, kids go through phases of sort of picking people
    why do you let him call you by your name?
    are you the one who punishes or give consequences for stuff most of the time?

    don't worry, this will pass

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:56 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • Have you been around much?

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:36 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • It's normal. Just spend a little more one on one with him.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:44 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • He's only two. It has nothing to do with "respect". Who raises him daily? Have you been an absent parent? If not then he's just bored with you & that's normal. Daddy & Grandma are a novelty because they only see him for short times as opposed to all day. Try to do more fun things with him. How about the Park & swings & your local Library. Most have Toddler Playtime that you can register for free & he can play with other kids his age.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:00 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • He is 2, 2 year olds are defiant and the go through phases where they will pick one person over another. Be consistent in your discipline of him and spend one on one time with him when you can. You need to get over your feelings being hurt by a 2 year old, they don't know any better. Don't respond when he calls you by name, he is probably just doing what daddy does.

    Answer by kmath at 10:26 AM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • That is tough. My suggestion is to try to go with it. Consider what others have said (he's only two, this has nothing to do with "respect," children go through phases, he's probably just doing/saying what Daddy/others do when he calls you by name, keep the hurt feelings in perspective because it doesn't mean the same thing to him that it does to you.) Let those thoughts help you get more internally flexible. Consider, too, that the way to HAVE a relationship is to bring acceptance (of who & how he is) TO your relationship. If he feels like you are displeased with who/how he is, for some reason he cannot identify or understand, he will tend to highlight this distress & frustration in the only way he knows how. If he senses that HOW he is bothers you, he will behave in ways that highlight the "problem" (in hopes of reaching some resolution.) That's why kids instinctively hone in on what we dread/fear & inerringly "go there"! lol

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:00 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • Keep an eye on what you expect of him (as far as "listening" to you.) If you are expecting willing, cheerful compliance around things he doesn't want to do, or around transitions that are hard for him, you likely will see him as failing--as not respecting you & not responsive. You can still hold a reasonable limit (something has to be done, or you DO leave the park when you decide to, etc.) without expecting that he will be "happy" about it or easily compliant. This is making room for his feelings or seeing him accurately, not seeing him negatively just because he has "negative" feelings at times!
    See what he's expressing of himself (his preferences, his feelings, his honest reactions) when he doesn't cooperate immediately, rather than seeing it as evidence that he doesn't respect/listen to you. Try acknowledging (verbally) what you notice: "It's hard to stop such a fun thing" or "You didn't like when Mom took the scissors!"

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:12 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

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