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6 Bumps

Do you know the difference between disagreement and an attack?

Disclaimer: This is for the MEMBERS, so it is not a question or critique of or about CM

 
bandgeek521

Asked by bandgeek521 at 12:17 PM on Aug. 17, 2013 in About CafeMom

Level 47 (246,624 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (49)
  • Disagreement: Your information is factually incorrect. Your story is not credible

    Attack: You're a bully. You're a bitch.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 12:30 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • Yes, however since I am not particularly sensitive I might not see a personal attack as such unless it was blaringly obvious. I have a fairly thick skin and have never really understood why people insist on staying in an environment where they feel like they are a victim (meaning those that constantly report others for difference of opinion, stating it is a personal attack).

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:50 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • yet when it was said to me yesterday by a certain member and I pointed it out, I was told that member was only disagreeing with me and there was nothing wrong with the way she said it. Very, very interesting.

    I just did a dataparse on the questions from the past 2 days. There's not a single question or answer containing the exact quote "you don't ever know what the hell you're talking about". There's not a single question or answer that contains any close match variation of "you don't ever" and has the word "hell" in the same post. (and if anyone wants to be nasty about it and suggest that's stalkerish, it's a basic automated boolean search that takes less than a second per variation - anyone here can do one) So when and where exactly were you "attacked" by a phrase that was never written?
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:31 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • Good morning ladies ...

    yes, I know the difference ...

    disagreeing means you do not agree with a statement, theory, issue, what the hell ever ... normally leads to a discussion/debate (even heated) until resolution of some sort

    attack means you specifically go after that person with nasty comments like "you are a complete twatwaffle and too stupid to know how to breathe without reminders".
    MetalManiaMama

    Answer by MetalManiaMama at 12:26 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • I don't know why I even bother anymore, but I'm going to post this anyway. "You never know what the hell you are talking about" is an attack. First of all, "never" is an absolute. Your not questioning the information, you're questioning everything the person has ever said. Secondly, there are less offensive ways to say things, which usually get more positive responses.

    "You have an interesting perspective. My experience has shown me that ..."

    "Where are you getting your information? According to my pediatrician, ..."
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 6:07 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • I know my definitions of the two, however some people may use the words interchangeably.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:24 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • Questioning the sincerity or "factuality" of a question or comment is NOT an attack, etc, etc.

    Yes, to some people it is.
    For some people if you tell them their info is wrong, they interpret it as saying they are wrong
    See, interchangeable.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:35 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • I do. Apparently, whether something is a disagreement or an attack is largely a matter of perception. Oh, and a matter of "attack" comes in two sizes--when certain people repeatedly start in on someone else, it's a disagreement. When someone defends herself against the tirades of those certain people, it's an attack. Gotta love double standards.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:14 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • I fail to understand how a discussion on the definition of words can be made personal.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 2:37 PM on Aug. 17, 2013

  • "you don't ever know what the hell you're talking about" to be an attack or a disagreement? Why?

    Let me introduce you to the word "context". Was that a spontaneous statement at the start of a discussion, or a reply to someone who had spent a significant amount of time arguing?

    For example, there was a person here who used to give very dangerous medical advice. Repeatedly. Other members who are trained professionals in sports medicine would go around and correct this person any time they saw it happen. On several occasions, the person would try to argue and suggest the trained professionals were all lying or giving bad advice to intentionally make her look bad. That person could have potentially caused serious permanent injury to other members if her advice was followed, and in that context, no, that response would not be an attack, but a strongly worded warning to the person asking the question.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 6:22 PM on Aug. 17, 2013