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I just had a long talk...

I just had a long talk with my boyfriends mother.

I didn't expect her to tell me this stuff, but maybe she just feels sorry for me.
She told me she knows her son, and that he is a big manipulator. He seems to been having bad luck lately, so she was saying she thinks its God whos doing this to him because of his 'bad spirit'. Not too sure what she meant about that, but then she goes on to say that he's lazy, and he doesn't like to work.

So I told her, "well hes told me he had a cadilliac, Bmw, nice homes before, and good jobs"...And she stops me and goes, "uh he was depending--" Then stops right there. Then goes on to say, that his ex wife of 9 years left him because he didn't like to work. She says that she was tired of him living off her and paying for everything. She says that his EX ruined him, and he 's not a man because she loved him, and did everything for him!

So I asked her. " Do you think he was using her?" She wouldnt give me a forward answer, she just said, he was depending on her.

I told her I didn't know if I should move on or not, and she said to just follow my heart.
Is this basically her way of telling me to let go?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:34 AM on Aug. 18, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • His mother has told you that he's a manipulator, that he's lazy and a liar. His ex did not make him that way, he was like that to start with and used her. Do you want to live with a sponger who expects you to take care of him for the rest of his life?

    His mother wasn't telling you to let ho. She was telling you what he was really like in order to open your eyes to him. The final decision is yours.

    I would have been out that door so fast I'd have left skidmarks ...
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 4:47 AM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • She said he's a manipulator and he's lazy. For me, if a man's mother tells me those two things, that's grounds for me to leave. If his own mother can see it, it's a problem.

    You asked her if he was using his ex and she said he was depending on her. She also said that the ex left because she was tired of him living off of her and her having to pay for everything. This translates to "Yes, he was using her." His mother may not want to come right out and say it - maybe she was already feeling bad because she'd had to admit that her son was a manipulator and lazy - but that's basically what she said.

    I don't think she was telling you to leave, but I think she was trying to tell you what you're getting with him. She wanted you to realize that this is what you're in for for the length of your relationship with him, and make a decision to stay or go with eyes wide open.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:32 AM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • It appears you already have your answer. How much more obvious could it get if his mom is telling you this stuff?! Usually moms gloss over the details
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:30 AM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • If you like lazy, manipulating, jobless guys. Go for it. She was trying to give you the 411 on her son.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:07 AM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • Sounds to me like her she knows her son has a lot of self work to do before being able to be in a solid heathy relationship and she was warning you of hat to expect. I'd walk away now before your too invested and then dealing wot these issues
    nnh_mama

    Answer by nnh_mama at 9:32 AM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • If a guy's mother tells you bad things about her son, that's a sign to get the hell out of there RIGHT NOW.

    If she was simply trying to keep you away from her son because she didn't like you, she'd have been criticizing YOU.

    Dump him. Do it now.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:59 AM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • Yes, she is being a good person and letting you know that her son is not good for you...based off her experience as is MOTHER and his PAST( huge red flag).

    I would listen loud and clear and slowly detach and distance yourself from him so that you can move on for good. Good luck.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 1:11 PM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • Depends. You didn't mention if he works or provides for himself at all. You just said what his mother told you. I have known some mothers that aren't as enthusiastic of what their kids have accomplished (one is a narcissist and the other is just plain jealous of her kids or anyone that does better than her). If what she has warned you about is part of his character now, she's likely on the up and up and letting you know what you are getting.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:30 PM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • Well, how long have you known him? What has your experience of him been?
    I don't think I'd let a mother's comments alone direct an action that doesn't make sense based on my actual experience or feelings.
    I certainly would take note of the conversation, but I wouldn't automatically assume anything about her motives OR her perspective. I can see multiple reasons or explanations for a mother deciding to "comment" that way. It could be about controlling & meddling just as easily as anything else. I can see it as a tactic for someone hoping to send an "undesirable" girlfriend inexplicably packing, etc.
    But no, someone's belief that her son's "bad luck" is something God is doing because of his "bad spirit" is not, on its OWN, going to sway me against my OWN perceptions or direct my behavior. Her belief that his ex "ruined him" sounds skewed, too. Even if something is there, I doubt her take on it is particularly reliable!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:42 PM on Aug. 18, 2013

  • How long have you known him? How does he treat you? Is he abusive on any level? Does he have a decent job? Does he have his own apt/house? and Car? If he's sweet to you and has a lot going on for himself, you would know it and disregard anything his mom had to say. sounds like you just met him and you and his mom were chatting up about him.

    If he's a bum now and just brags about what he use to have, then move on! Chances are Ex-wifey has it all now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Aug. 18, 2013

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