She's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is on additional meds since 3 weeks ago. She is out of her deep depression and cutting has mostly stopped. She is somewhat less verbally abusive and a little easier to get along with, if she isn't asked to do much here at home. Spends most of the day watching tv and sleeping. Still, even with this diagnosis, we feel manipulated to a degree, and that has been a factor in the past as well.
She is using a car that is in my name, and was for her to commute to school and work, but is now being used to go on dates and out with friends. In light of the new situation with her mental health, it is supposed to be for her to go to Dr.'s and to therapy. She is supposed to contribute to the insurance bill and pay for gas-but that has slid due to our feeling of importance that she get back on her feet so she can get a job, and/or take a class or 2.
Trouble is, she ditched her therapy appointment (took too much sleep med the night before, knowing it would knock her out all morning and she would miss it), claims she is too anxious to work, or even to make phone calls, and yet later that seemed quite capable of driving an hour to date, blow out a tire, and have it fixed before coming home (late).
I confronted her about getting herself to therapy as her first priority, before dating, socializing (spending $ she doesn't have), and if she doesn't she will not have use of the car. (our therapist rec'd this) She screamed at me that she doesn't want to think about it (illness) and she is such a screwup and a failure and everything makes her anxious. (except, apparently, the above social-type outings).
Said she was sorry about the tire and being late. My response was, ok...you need to get to therapy and work on those issues, and learn to manage the bipolar and anxiety. Running away from it will not help in the long run. I purchased 2 books on amazon about bp, and will give them to her when they arrive.
At 19, she has completed one semester of college, but doesn't want to go back...not sure when she will or where. Her loans will come due in 6 months, maybe less. All her friends are back at college.
We cannot afford to pay the loans for her, nor can we continue to float her forever. For instance, yesterday she was badgering me to get her a smart phone (we have basic texting phones) so she can check facebook on the run and I said that if anyone gets a smart phone it would be me so that I can utilize email for jobs, sports schedules, gps to get to games etc. I told her she is 19 and can get her own contract and phone and pay for it if she wants one so badly. We pay for the family plan now for all 4 of us.
My DH and I feel that she can function at a higher level than she is claiming, albeit not at a "normal" level. Thoughts on kid gloves vs. a little "tough love"? Some days we feel like we're being softies, and some days, hard asses.
Asked by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Aug. 18, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)
Answer by Ballad at 7:48 PM on Aug. 18, 2013
Answer by ChasingBridges at 8:15 PM on Aug. 18, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 9:07 PM on Aug. 18, 2013
Answer by tntmom1027 at 9:40 PM on Aug. 18, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 10:09 AM on Aug. 19, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 10:11 AM on Aug. 19, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 10:20 AM on Aug. 19, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 10:29 AM on Aug. 19, 2013