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My 16 yr old son...

i posted the other day about him wanting to wear an Alice costume for Halloween. Apparently it goes deeper than that. He has confided in me that he enjoys wearing make-up and applies it prior to his shower so he can wash it off. The next day he added more in that he also enjoys trying on women's clothes. I am a size 12 but my sis, whom we live with, is smaller and he wears her clothes. He says he doesn't know why he enjoys this. He also says he likes being a boy & is not gay.
My life currently feels like a bad made for TV movie. My marriage fell apart & now my son admits he's a cross-dresser. What do I do? How do I deal with this? So far I have just told him to stop using my expensive foundation. I don't know what the hell to do and since I'm going through a divorce we are in the middle of losing our insurance (and his therapist) and have to be on a waiting list for state therapy.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Aug. 19, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • He doesn't need therapy. He is who he is. No shrink will change that.
    When he's 18, he can live his life as HE pleases.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:23 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • he should not require therapy as a result of cross dressing.
    it is no different than a woman preferring to wear jeans and t-shirts over dresses.
    relax- let this one go.

    and ( if he has a job) make him buy his own make up! that stuff is expensive.

    Answer by feralxat at 1:23 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • 1st take a deep breath. You are not the 1st mom to have a child do something for attention during a divorce. Teen yrs are confusing enough. Throw a divorce in there and something is bound to happen.

    Do you have an Employee Assistance Program thru your work? That is what I used to start my counseling when I was going thru my divorce.

    Good luck

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 1:26 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • I really hope you are not a damn troll lady. With that said, they only thing you can do is love and accept him as he is. He doesn't need therapy, that is unless its for something unrelated to cross dressing, you do. Let him do what he wants, if it makes him happy. He is going to have a hard enough time with other people who thinks he is scum and a freak of nature. He needs to know his mom is in his corner and will still love him for he is, not what you wish he was. And if he wants makeup, make him earn it. He might as well now know its expensive to be a woman if you to look good. We all know good makeup is freaking expensive!!

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:29 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • He asked about therapy - not me. Tonight he asked me if I had found him a new therapist yet. I explained why I had not so he said that I could just be his therapist. He's really feeling the need to talk about this for some reason. He's looking for a reason as to the WHY of it all. I have been very understanding & acting as if it doesn't bother me. Which, in all honestly, doesn't bother me that much but with everything going on it is a bit, well...confusing, odd, stressful? I don't know. Point is, I have been very understanding & calm to his face.

    And, yes, I'll have him get his own make-up if he really wants to wear it. When I saw the big dent he had put in my foundation bottle I was honestly ticked off. And he's using my new eye liner.

    I don't know whether to laugh or cry anymore.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:40 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • If he wants to talk, let him talk. You can hear him out without really saying much. And agreed, have him buy his own make-up. I know people who cross dress and still have perfectly norma lives because they know how to set and stick to reasonable boundaries.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:48 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • He could enjoy being a boy yet still have gender identity disorder. I would listen and HEAR what he has to say, assure him that it is okay to feel the way he does and cross dress if he wants. Embrace the moments that he allows you to be so deeply involved in his life and what he feels are issues.

    Many places have sliding scales for therapy if he truly feels he needs it. Look online for free samples of makeup or have him do it and then he will have his own little stockpile.

    Answer by GrandmaO2008 at 6:53 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • There are plenty of cross-dressers who live perfectly normal, happy lives, and no one ever is the wiser, unless the cross-dresser wants them to know.

    And there's nothing wrong with it. Set some boundaries if you feel that uncomfortable (say, he has to buy his own make up, or you don't want him to wear make up/women's clothes to a family dinner out, for example), but let him be who he is. Love him for who he is.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:56 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • You might Google your county and/or state and search their website for mental health assistance. There might be resources for both of you to be able to talk to someone to help relieve stress.

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:36 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • If he's just begun this behavior, I would say it has something to do with your divorce. Also, the fact that he is asking to talk to someone makes me think the behavior is a door that leads to a deeper problem that he knows he needs help with. I would be finding him someone today. If cost is a problem, contact the churches in your area. Many of them have trained counselors who do free counseling.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:42 AM on Aug. 19, 2013

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