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3 Bumps

Would you forgive someone

Who got really drunk, to the point they don't remember what happened the night before, if they said really nasty things to you? I'm not sure if anyone remembers me asking about my family member who had a drinking problem but it was her. We were at a wedding nd she was drinking alot and maybe i shouldnt have told her to slow down but she just started saying nasty things. I mean I was shocked because she's never talked to me like that even if we had an argument. She has apologized and has asked me to go to lunch tomorrow. I don't know what to say about her drinking if I should or just address the things she said and let her deal with her drinking problem on her own u til she asks for help.

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skinnyslokita

Asked by skinnyslokita at 12:27 PM on Aug. 19, 2013 in Relationships

Level 31 (49,833 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • This is another reason I can't stand to be around people who are drinking. My dickbag father is like that. He is so disgusting and horrible when he's drinking, which is most of the time. I think that stuff is always there, but it just comes out when he's drinking. I don't want to deal with him knowing what's really going on in that nasty head of his.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 12:29 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Does she have a drinking problem or was it just a drinking frenzy at the Wedding? If it was just at the Wedding then I would just forget about it. They say alcohol brings out your true personality BTW.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:30 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • if she has apologized i think you should forgive her. if she got defensive about it perhaps she is aware that her drinking is a problem and is in denial about it. I had the same thing happened when i mentioned my grandpa's smoking to him. I found out later that at that point he had just received word he had emphysema..he died 9 years later. He never told anyone about the emphysema and it came out later with the autopsy and medical records being released to my grams

    AzaleaRose

    Answer by AzaleaRose at 12:32 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • I don't know about the other question, but I truly believe that forgiveness is what allows you to move forward. It's not really for her because you have learned through your experience that she gets out of control when she drinks. You will now look for it and expect some degree of her spinning out of control when she is under the influence. That doesn't change.
    If it were me and this was something I had seen her do fairly often (the drinking to the point of getting out of control), I would tell her that I forgive what she said but that I want nothing to do with her if she is drinking in the future. Otherwise, just forgiving and going on like you've wiped the slate clean almost feels like enabling her bahaviors. I hope that makes sense.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:32 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • They say alcohol brings out your true personality BTW.

    ^^ Which is why I won't deal with my dickbag father anymore!
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 12:32 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Forgive? No. Do what is necessary to keep peace if I must, yes. In a case like that, unless the whole family is ready to go intervention and tough love, cutting her off is just going to be used to guilt more chances out of everyone else.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 12:33 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • She has a drinking problem. Well she was sober for two years and we became close its hard for me to just walk away. I wish I didn't care and I could just walk away I'm just hurt not only for myself but for her too she worked hard to stay sober. I'm just not sure what to do now. She was really bad and I'd like to think she would have been mortified to watch her behavior she doesn't remember what she said to me she said her mother told her and she was sorry.
    skinnyslokita

    Comment by skinnyslokita (original poster) at 12:35 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • My father was an alcoholic. They're ALWAYS sorry. Until he quit drinking I accepted the apology but I didn't enable his behavior by intimating there were no consequences. I declined any invitation he extended.

    Saying you are sorry doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your behavior.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:38 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • It's just so hard to watch her go back down this road. We were not close until she started rehab but I think I've cried more about her making this choice again than how she treated me. While I'm upset Im worried more. I want to accept her apology but I don't want to open a door for this to happen again.
    skinnyslokita

    Comment by skinnyslokita (original poster) at 12:43 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Alcoholics are master manipulators. You have to really develop a thick skin. The more you love them, the harder it is to do.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:48 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

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