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3 Bumps

Never felt so bad about being a "working" mom.

So my child's new school has lots of volunteer groups, all parent led, mostly led by stay at home moms and I would love to be involved more, do more. I have lots of experience that will translate to successful parties, fundraising and so on.. even happy to give up a day off now and again. All these meetings start at 2:00 PM or some other time that no 9-5er can make it.

I have already found a way to contribute regularly with my time to work around this, but it was a challenge as my first attempts were met with some real pettiness about "children being first priority"

I am guessing the scheduling slight is unintentional, but you saying I want to be on the committee but I cannot attend your meetings was not exactly well received and I suddenly feel bad that I am stuck paying the bills.
it a general trend that Moms working outside the home don't do this stuff, or a blind assumption on others part that this is the case or is this kind of a local mean girl club?

PS yes anonymous because anytime you put stay at home mom and working mom in a paragraph it ends badly. Really venting my own frustrations more than anything.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Aug. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • you'd be surprised how many OTHERS struggle with wanting to volunteer, etc too!!! I am legally blind and cannot drive (but am basically a SAHM) so I'm in a pickle for weird hour things, too... and a Mom of my daughters friend is a SAHM who simply cannot afford car insurance right now and isn't driving. It sucks when you wanna help and are available to help and can't. And others like you who DESIRE to help but obviously are unable to during the work hours :( dont let it get you down

    Answer by hibbingmom at 3:31 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • It's hard to find the right balance when you work outside the home. If you are lucky enough to have an understanding boss or flexible scheduling at your workplace, then that will help you offer more of your time. Otherwise, the ones who can be there will have it all on their shoulders. Unless you can suggest you get the minutes from the meetings held while you're at work & maybe you can work on a project in your "free time". Schools need as much parental involvement as possible, so no one who is eager to be involved should be turned away.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:29 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • LOL, Welcome to the world of I stay home, and that makes me a better mother than you. I am lucky that I am flexible, but there are things that I can't reconfigure no matter what.
    This year I was left out of the auction we have at our school, I have been a part of this for about 5 years, and get us tons of donations, the problem? Last year I had to miss the actual auction! I could not change my work to be there, so they asked if I would get donations as usual, but the fact they couldn't "count' on me to be there at the auction, negated my participation in it.
    My husband and my SIL, and BIL went last year.
    Don't let it stress you out, just do what you can when you can do it.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 1:35 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • I agree...varying the meeting times would sure be nice. I am sure I am going to encounter this soon. Just hoping I handle it well. Good luck to you. Hope you find someway you can participate.

    Answer by AngZacc at 1:43 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Our PTO works that way, and I've been up front with them all along that as long as they insist on having their meetings in the afternoon, they are not going to see any participation from working parents of either gender. They're fine with that, because all they really want are the rich women in the one subdivision with more iron gates than a cemetery. They pony up the donations for their programs, so they're the ones who need to be kept happy.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 1:45 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • A bit of each, I think. I make a point of volunteering for one day events, nothing that involves committee meetings and cannot be organized by email and online schedulers. And at that, I did more volunteering at my son's school last year than I did during the time I stayed home!

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:16 PM on Aug. 19, 2013